FAMILY JOURNAL

HOW TO USE THIS SITE

2011-11-14T20:31:00.007-05:00

Three (3) ways to find an article:
(1) The quickest way is to go to TOPIC SEARCH in the upper right margin and type in your topic. All relevant posts will appear at the top.
(2) Or, go to the top of the right margin to ARCHIVES where each topic is arranged by date.
(3) Surf through the Table of Contents below & "click HERE". Your article of interest appears at the top.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

MONTESSORI EDUCATION TURNS KIDS ON TO LEARNING (click HERE)
(A-41) UNRESTRICTED TV VIEWING HARMS OUR CHILDREN (click HERE)
(A-40) SMALLER CLASSROOM SIZE BENEFITS ALL, ESPECIALLY LOW-INCOME BLACK STUDENTS (click HERE)
(A-39) WRITE A PERSONAL MISSION STATMENT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS IN MIND! (click HERE)
(A-38) WHEN MIDLIFE CRISIS COLLIDES WITH MALE MENOPAUSE (click HERE)
(A-37) ADHD DIAGNOSIS AT AGE 4 (click HERE)
(A-36) LET THE HOMEWORK WARS BEGIN! (click HERE)

(A-35) DOES YOUR CHILD SUFFER FROM NATURE DEFICIT DISORDER? (click HERE)
(A-34) CHILDHOOD TEACHINGS CARRY INTO ADULTHOOD (click HERE)
(A-33) "EMERGENCY ESSENTIALS" PROTECTS FAMILIES IF CATASTROPHE STRIKES (click HERE)
(A-32) FAMILY "BLACK SHEEP" IS UNIQUE CHAMPION! (click HERE)
(A-31) FAMILIES WITH HANDICAPPED KIDS FACE MANY HURDLES (click HERE)
(A-30) NEW CONCEPT MAKES 4-YEAR COLLEGE DEGREE AFFORDABLE & HIGH QUALITY (click HERE)
(A-29)MONTESSORI LEARNING MAKES LEARNING FUN (click HERE)
(A-28) 51 EXCELLENT FREE WEBSITES TO TEACH YOUNG CHILDREN ACADEMIC SKILLS (click HERE)
(A-27) JOB PROMOTION VS BALANCING WORK AND LIFE (click HERE)

HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

(A-26) TEENS WORKING AFTER SCHOOL: GOOD OR BAD IDEA? (click HERE)
(A-25) MANY GRANDPARENTS PROVIDE THAT SPECIAL BOND...FROM AFAR (click HERE)
(A-24) TEACH THE ALPHABET THE OLD FASHIONED WAY (click HERE)
(A-23) SHED YOUR NEGATIVE THOUGHTS (click HERE)

(A-22) ENCOURAGING SHY CHILDREN TO MAKE FRIENDS (click HERE)
(A-21) A NEW TWIST IN SCHOOL VIOLENCE (click HERE)
(A-20) CHILDREN "LOCKED INTO" SEEKING UNDUE ATTENTION (click HERE)

HOME MONTESSORI LEARNING MATERIALS!

(A-19) OUR CHILDREN ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST! (click HERE)
(A-18) POSITIVE HOME ATMOSPHERE CAN BOLSTER CHILD'S SELF- ESTEEM (cLick HERE)
(A-17) TERRIBLE TWO'S CAN BE TERRIBLE, IN DEED! (click HERE)
(A-16) VOLUNTEER AT YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL (click HERE)

(A-15) BABY STEPS APPROACH BEST TO QUIT BAD HABITS (click HERE)
(A-14) SOME "FRIENDSHIPS" SHOULD BE TERMINATED (click HERE)
(A-13) IS YOUR TEEN A BINGE DRINKER? (click HERE)
(A-12) JOB PROMOTIONS ELUDE MANY ADULT PROBLEM READERS (click HERE)
(A-11) TEEN LOW SELF-ESTEEM COULD HAVE LIFE-LONG CONSEQUENCES (click HERE)
(A-10)BIBLIOTHERAPY HELPS CHILDREN COPE (click HERE )

(A-9) UNDIAGNOSED ADULT ADHD LEADS TO FRUSTRATION (click HERE)
(A-8) FREELANCE WRITING CAN BE GOOD AT-HOME BUSINESS (click HERE)

VISIT OUR SINGLE PARENT MOTHER'S STORE!

VISIT OUR SINGLE PARENT FATHER'S STORE!

(A-7) CHILDREN FEEL THE RECESSION, TOO (click HERE)
(A-6) PRETTY POISONS SHOULD CONCERN PARENTS (click HERE)
(A-5) TOO MUCH TV HARMS CHILDREN (click HERE)
(A-4) PARENTS SHOULD WORRY ABOUT MERCURY TOXIN (click HERE)
(A-3) SHOULD HIGH SCHOOLS HAVE LATER STARTING TIMES? (click HERE)
(A-2) DEVELOPMENTALLY DELAYED CHILDREN NEED POSITIVE PARENTS (click HERE)
(A-1) POWERFUL DADS READ BEDTIME STORIES & KISS "OUCHIES" (click HERE)
(Z) DOESPERFECTIONISTIC PARENTING MORE HARM THAN GOOD (click HERE)
(Y) CHILDREN NEED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE (click HERE)
(X) GOOD HABITS CAN BECOME AS ADDICTIVE AS
BAD ONES (click HERE)

HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

(W) VIOLENCE-PRONE CHILDREN GROWING PROBLEM (click HERE)
(V) TOP-QUALITY PRESCHOOL EDUCATIONAL SITES ONLINE FREE OF CHARGE (click HERE)
(U) OLDER FIRST TIME FATHERS HAVE AN ADVANTAGE (click HERE)
(T) NEGATIVE THOUGHTS- REBEL AGAINST THEM! (click HERE)
(S) HAPPY PEOPLE BECOME WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT (click HERE)
(R) LEARNING AID PRODUCTS (click HERE)
(Q) TEEN SPENDING HABITS (click HERE)
(P) ADVICE FOR DISCOURAGED SALESPERSONS (click HERE)
(O) LEFT-HANDED CHILDREN HAVE THEIR SHARE OF TALENTS (click HERE)
(N) MEDICAL INPUT HELPS DIAGNOSE LEARNING DIFFICULTIES (click HERE)
(M) UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS FRUSTRATE PARENTS (click HERE)
(L) PROTECT YOUR CHILDREN FROM ENVIRONMENTAL TOXINS! NEW STUDY LINKS ADHD TO PESTICIDE (click HERE)
(K) GRANDPARENTING FROM AFAR (click HERE)
(J) IS YOUR CHILD BULLIED? (click HERE)
(IX) GREAT CHILD-FRIENDLY WEBSITES! (click HERE)
(I) BUSINESS OWNERS WANT TO DESTRESS THEIR LIVES (click HERE)
(H) TAKING RISKS NECESSARY FOR GROWTH (click HERE)

HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

(G) LATCHKEY KIDS IN SINGLE PARENT HOMES ON RISE (click HERE)
(F) NEW! CHILD GROWTH & DEVELOPMENT (click HERE)
(E) NEW! 23 TELL-TALE SIGNS OF TEEN INVOLVEMENT IN THE DRUG SCENE (click HERE)
(D) NEW! CHILDREN & ENVIRONMENTAL TOXINS- LOWER IQ'S LINKED TO PRENATAL POLLUTION! (click HERE)
(C) RESEARCH ON LETTER/NUMBER REVERSALS AND WRITING DIFFICULTIES (NOTE: There's no main posting, but scroll down the right margin for excellent videos, etc. under code "C")
(B) UNLOCKING THE DOOR TO SUCCESSFUL "LATCHKEY KID" PARENTING (click HERE)
(A) STRATEGIES FOR PARENTS TO TEACH KIDS ABOUT MONEY MANAGEMENT (click HERE)

I BENEFITS OF LAUGHTER, STRESS REDUCTION & MANAGEMENT (click HERE)
II. NATIONAL CHILDREN'S MENTAL HEALTH AWARENESS DAY- MAY 7TH (click HERE)
III. OVER-MEDICATED CHILDREN (click HERE)
IV. ADULTS WITH DYSLEXIA (click HERE)
V. SCHOOL HOMEWORK: THE EVERLASTING PARENT/CHILD BATTLEGROUND (click HERE)
VI. ALCOHOL ABUSE RESEARCH AND SELF-ASSESSMENT OF YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH ALCOHOL (click HERE)
VII. COLLEGE STUDENTS WITH LEARNING DIFFICULTIES (click HERE)
VIII. KIDS AND GUNS (click HERE)
IX. TOO MUCH TV VIEWING HARMFUL TO KIDS (click HERE)

MONTESSORI EDUCATION TURNS KIDS ON TO LEARNING

2011-11-14T09:35:00.002-05:00

The geographical and philosophical roots of America's 5,000 Montessori schools originated in eastern Italy in 1870, when Maria Montessori was born. She grew up as an only child and proved to be a willful and intelligent young girl who defied society's subjugation of women at the time. At age 12, she insisted on attending a boy's technical math and science school. Not surprisingly, her powerful character empowered her to go against all odds and she graduated from the University of Rome to become the first woman medical doctor.

The Montessori methods and Montessori educational tools used today emerged from her scientific observations of mentally slow and poverty-stricken children at a care center in the San Lorenzo slums of Rome. She learned much from studying these children and engineered a nurturing environment enhanced with developmentally appropriate, specialized materials.

Here are four guiding principles which are distinctive to the Montessori way and which make Montessori education so child-friendly and unique:

Principle No. 1: Emphasize on the Process of learning, not the Product- "Education should no longer be mostly imparting knowledge, but must take a new path, seeking the release of human potentialities." Children possess an intrinsic love to learn, to become lifelong learners. Focusing on the product of learning like a high-stakes proficiency test or semester exam will stifle a child's spontaneous and natural urge to learn.

Dr Montessori would eschew today's practice of "teaching to the test," where the curriculum becomes a mile wide and inch deep experience. Instead, Montessori education spotlights the process of learning, rewarding a child's day-to-day efforts and improvements, no matter how small. Learning occurs in a supportive atmosphere of problem-solving, critical thinking, experiential learning, and ultimately, self-discovery.

Principle No. 2: Self-directed learning and self-discovery can happen in a "Prepared Environment" where the classroom, materials, and social climate are supportive. Maria Montessori once stated, "These words reveal the child's inner self: 'Help me do it alone'." Children are respected and permitted to work alone or in small groups at their own pace with materials they select from a menu of options.

This freedom of choice is far from permitting children to "do their own thing," since it operates within a set of age-appropriate ground rules based on Dr Montessori beliefs, such as respect for each other and for the learning environment.

Principle No. 3: The teacher is a facilitator who inspires development of the "whole child"- physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Dr Montessori remarked decades ago, "We must observe the needs of a child...and respond to them with meaningful learning experiences." That's why Montessori teachers are fully trained to anticipate, recognize and respond to "sensitive periods" where children make great intuitive leaps and certain types of learning undergo a sudden surge in eagerness and intensity. The teacher "strikes while the iron is hot," directing the children toward materials that fulfill their developmental needs.

Learning is based on individual developmental characteristics and needs, not on chronological age. The Montessori way respects the child as a unique person with an individual pattern and timing of growth and concedes that each child carries his own internal, developmental alarm clock. Different levels of ability, development and learning styles are expected, accepted, and used to design the curriculum.

Children in multi-age and multi-grade Montessori classrooms move at their own pace. It would be foolish to establish a set age or grade cut-off date for a child to ride a bike. Likewise, Montessori classrooms do not dictate that all children automatically learn how to read simply because they've made 6 orbits around the sun. Some read by age 7, others may need more exposure to Montessori literacy experiences to learn to read by age 8 or 9.

The teachers receive extensive training, personalized for each of four distinct age spans: infant and toddler, 3-6, 6-9, and 9-12. Children journey through these four developmental age periods in an orderly, sequential and predictable manner - but at varying rates. Montessori teachers are sensitized to the fact that kids learn best when the time is ripe- not school time, but their own. They always listen for a child's inner clock to chime.

Principle No. 4: Dr Montessori sensed that ingenious developmental materials play a critical role in guiding children through each "sensitive period" and in sustaining a gratifying learning environment. I'll never forget witnessing a multi-handicapped child mainstreamed into a regular public school kindergarten enhance her visual-motor and self-care skills, thanks to the Montessori Dressing Frames. The child's fleeting attention span transformed into intense, sustained concentration as she experimented with snapping buckles, fastening large buttons, tying shoe laces, closing up zippers, and bow-tying.

Dr Montessori, as physician and educator, learned the kind of things that aroused children's natural curiosity and which they faithfully went back to.

The resources in a Montessori classroom are unique in that they are multi-sensory, sequentially increase in complexity, and are self-correcting. These characteristics smooth the process of learning from the concrete world of touch to understanding abstract ideas. For example, a young child eagerly playing with Montessori Golden Beads, the Hundred Board, Stamp Game, Spindle Box, and solid wooden rods divided into units by color and length, intuitively builds a solid foundation critical to comprehending higher level math concepts. The play is fun, but not random.

The carefully sequenced activities build upon one another and learning advances naturally from the known to the unknown as the child grasps the concepts of number relationships, money, time, weights and measurements, and ultimately algebraic equations.

These four guiding principles, discovered by Maria Montessori over a century ago, realize that the ability for a child to learn is enhanced by the development of activities and stimuli (materials) which fully utilize the present state of his receptive mechanism. Today, the Montessori way continues to capitalize on the physiological and psychological readiness of each child. The ultimate goal is to never lose a child's freshness, curiosity and willingness to explore and experiment.

VISIT THE MOTESSORI EDUCATIONAL MATERIALS STORE!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

UNRESTRICTED TV VIEWING HARMS CHILDREN

2011-11-05T13:54:00.004-04:00

Many parents I've counseled through the years are concerned about their children's TV viewing. They are concerned about the unrestricted TV viewing and the effect it has on them.
I tell them their concerns are justified. The typical American preschooler commits to 5,000 hours of TV watching before entering grammar school and averages 28.5 hours of TV viewing per week throughout childhood. I weighed these APA statistics against the weekly program hours which TV networks scheduled as educational programming for kids. CBS donated one hour, ABC 90 minutes, NBC 90 minutes, FOX 3 hours, and PBS 7 hours. Subtracting these “kid-friendly” weekly program amounts (from 28.5 child-viewing hours) leaves lots of weekly questionable TV exposure remaining on each network.

Throughout grammar school, children witness 8,000 TV murders and 100,000 violent incidents, becoming spectators to more violence in one month than the Romans saw in the Coliseum during the reign of Nero. In this context, I appreciate Thomas Jefferson’ remark- “Men’s sentiments are known not only by what they receive, but also by what they reject.” Would he have supported censorship?

The harmful effect of TV becomes apparent when one questions what else could children be doing. As America’s youth watches TV more and more, they spend less and less time conversing with parents, reading, studying, playing with peers, enjoying nature and the out-of-doors, burning calories and keeping fit.

Today’s preschoolers will view over 350,000 TV commercials before finishing high school. Each ad throws an underlying pitch to vanity, greed, and competitiveness in order to create a desire for something they don’t need. They view their favorite cartoon characters peddling toys or a child surrounded by admiring “friends” because of a newly bought plaything…only to discover the toy isn’t as fast, big or attention-getting as the masterpiece fabricated on TV.

A insightful man once said, “Forming children‘s TV habits sometimes means to simply turn off the TV and not let it become an electronic baby sitter that surrenders the parents role of becoming primary educator of their children.” He was Pope John Paul II.

SMALLER CLASSROOM SIZE BENEFITS ALL, ESPECIALLY LOW-INCOME BLACK STUDENTS

2011-11-04T16:17:00.004-04:00

A mother wrote to me, concerned about her elementary child being in a classroom of 21 students. She looked on the Fremont City School's Website (Ohio) and discovered that her son's elemenatary school had a higher student/teacher ratio than the other elementary schools. She read a newspaper article that stated class size has no effect on student achievement and wondered if it were true.

I disagree with the research she was referring to. Smaller numbers of children in a classroom benefit them more than if they spent 9 months in a more crowded classroom. However, this mother's child is not in an overcrowded classroom, for a class size of 21 is not considered to be so.

Common sense tells us that a child’s competent teacher could spend more minutes per day with each student, individually, with a smaller classroom size. With an aide, the individual attention increases even more. Yes, I’m in favor of fewer children and more aides in our classrooms. Excuse me whilst I duck! Unfortunately, many schools across the U.S. are cutting back on aides to save money.

Today’s elementary school classrooms are chock-full of kids, but cramped for sufficient space and ample time. I've always said that space and time are luxuries items once a school building has too many children attending it! School officials try to make due with the dwindling assets they have at their disposal. I wish I could wave a magic wand and restore to life President Kennedy’s dictate that we place Americans on the moon or resurrect President Eisenhower’s command to construct a colossal interstate highway system. I wish for resolute leaders to sway, not be molded by, irresolute polls so that every K-6th grade classroom in America becomes the most tantalizing and enlightening place for kids to come to.

However, parents should be most concerned about class sizes in K -3rd grades. Research, not polls, could justify a national mission of lowering classroom size in these critical grades. A 14-year study tracked 11,600 children from kindergarten through third grade, and eventually documented their performance in high school. Children who began school with 13-17 classmates outperformed those from larger classrooms (22-25). Even when classroom size increased to higher levels in fourth grade, the students who spent grades K-3 in the smaller classrooms were already 6-14 months ahead in math, reading and science and were more likely to complete advanced academic classes as, take college admissions tests, and graduate as well! And 72 percent of the students from the smaller kindergarten through 3rd grade classrooms, compared to 66 percent, graduated on time and completed more advanced math and English courses in high school.

Interestingly, research shows small class size in low-income schools in Wisconsin that African American kids who attended predominantly African American schools get a bigger boost from small class size than did white kids. In Tennessee, on average, black students in small classes ended third grade with academic achievement that was 7 to 10 percentage points higher than black students who attended the large classes. White students in small classes were only 3 to 5 percentage points ahead of white students from those larger classes.

I believe people value children as much as paved interstate highways and moon shots, but Ohio will accumulate a $7.3 billion deficit in several years. Eventually, we’ll provide all children with uncrowded classrooms, but not someday soon. I wish I had a magic wand.

WRITE A PERSONAL MISSION STATEMENT WITH YOUR THOUGHTS IN MIND!

2011-10-27T10:49:00.003-04:00

Writing down a personal mission statement that flows from your heart, from the inside-out is a great way to stay grounded. Write it with two concepts in mind. First, to become more grounded in who you are, remember that we all become what we think about. Second, ensure it’s in harmony with your true feelings and emotions. A philosopher once said, “The easiest thing in life should be…to be happy.” I agree, but so many people are unhappy because they don’t realize how powerful that statement is and, consequently, they become what they think about. Dwelling on bad thoughts can be habit forming. But so can dwelling on good thoughts. Let’s try something- deliberately try to think about what you’re thinking about. Sounds foolish, doesn't it? Not really. Perform this exercise:

Exercise: Sit & Don’t Think! Sit in a chair and relax. Close your eyes and spend 10 minutes breathing gently and not thinking about anything. Guess what? Thoughts will begin surfacing from your subconscious into your consciousness. You, or anyone else, cannot stop the thought process.

We are habitually thinking creatures! Researchers estimate the average person thinks 10,000 thoughts a day. Whew! If we sleep eight hours a day, that leaves 16 waking hours, or 960 minutes. Each one of those seemingly 60-second miniscule moments of your day is occupied by roughly 10+ thoughts. In-between them, I know not what transpires…maybe elevator music?

If we are continuously thinking, contemplating, and reflecting about things in an unintentional and involuntary way, how much power do we have to think about things in a more deliberate and planned manner?

Pay attention to what comes to your mind while waking up, brushing your teeth, eating, working, walking, and while performing the myriad of daily, mundane tasks. How many of your thoughts were negative? Positive? What did the silent language, the internal thoughts in your mind say? There’s nothing wrong with thinking negatively now and then, but if your internal dialogue donates an inordinate amount of time to negative thoughts, even a glass of Chateau Mouton Rothschild, 1945, a $220 bottle of Johnnie Walker blue, or a Prozac & Paxil high-ball won't save you. Unfortunately, many who never came to realize the power of positive thoughts made Johnnie Walker their best friend.

A great personal mission statement will only come through with positive, not negative, thinking. Keep thinking about the 10,000 thoughts that pass through your mind each day. How unpleasant it would be for you to confront your daily demands with harmful, pessimistic, and just plain unproductive ones.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

WHEN MIDLIFE CRISIS COLLIDES WITH MALE MENOPAUSE- 6 CAVEATS

2011-10-24T17:16:00.003-04:00

It's quite a collision for many, so I'll try and add a little humor throughout. Here goes. As you trek through the 45-60 age range, you’ll wave goodbye as the last child fledges the nest; watch over your once omnipotent parents wither away; witness a retreating hairline and advancing midsection; realize you will never become famous or own a professional football team; and understand what your remaining life doesn’t hold.

Instead of vaulting out of bed to “seize the day”, you stretch a bit and flounder until another body part becomes operational. Then, you sit behind a grand desk at a job position you exhausted an epoch of sweat to arrive at, only to feel boredom and dislike for your career. Peggy Lee’s 1970 hit song “Is that all there is?” takes on a whole new meaning.

Enter male menopause or a drop in the male hormone testosterone and some peculiar behaviors arise. I offer 6 caveats:

Caveat 1- Don’t become a macho guy. You know, the inflexible guy who notices middle age in his wife before himself and becomes champion of “happy hour” at the local pub? While your middle-aged wife gets hot flashes, you mutate into a “buck rabbit”, prowling for youthful women with soaring estrogen levels to compensate for your plummeting testosterone level. Don’t deny your midlife crisis, dump the male macho poppycock and quit trying to age as disgracefully as possible…less you become a disgrace.

Caveat 2- Accept the ticking biological time clock, your fading “manliness”, the passing of youth and the imminence of old age. Don’t get defensive about the changes- if your wife thinks you made a wrong turn and that you might be lost while driving, don’t fake it and pretend that you know exactly where you are. Turn to her and say, “Well, how ‘bout that. You’re right, honey. I’m going to stop and ask for directions.” Well, maybe that’s asking for too much…but you know what I mean.

Caveat 3- Learn a lesson from women. After all, if Eve missed the rib-off, none of you would be here. When I’m frequently in my doctor’s office, I examine support program brochures and find that programs for women outnumber those for men by three-to-one. Since such programs evolve out of expressed needs. I don’t think your reluctance to admit to personal difficulties more so than women is the best route to take.

This leads to Caveat 4- Economics. Joining a male midlife crisis support group is more economical than buying a plush Harley Davidson and trying to impress young women while wearing a baseball cap to cover your baldness and gulping down Viagra at $15 a pill. Accept the weight gain, lower sex drive, erectile dysfunction, muscle loss, hair loss, memory loss, and the need to get up throughout the night to urinate. You guys fork out over $1 billion annually to battle receding hairlines while Pfizer spends $425 million annually pushing Viagra, Levitra and Cialis into your already fragile psyches. They know that a third of you in your 50‘s and half of you in your 60‘s suffer from erectile dysfunction.

Caveat 5- Stay positive during your social, hormonal, and chemical transformations. At least you won’t accumulate cellulite and, heck, I think every notch your libido drops, your IQ raises by 10 points. Your manhood ain’t gone, brother…just reduced a bit! Your deep, male voice won’t disappear, nor will you get hooked on watching daytime soaps or ordering stuff from the Home Shopping Network.

Lastly, Caveat 6- Tune out the “Culture of Youth” that permeates America. When you’re watching the last fortress of midlife-manliness, a national football league game, you’ll never witness a beer commercial featuring a balding guy with a beer belly. You‘ll see a bunch of “flat-bellied” kids in their twenties partying with girls young enough to be your grandchild. Ignore them.

MIDLIFE CRISIS- TOP 12 RESOURCES!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

ADHD DIAGNOSIS AT AGE 4

2011-10-17T14:00:00.011-04:00

Family Journal takes issue with the new ADHD Diagnosis recommendation by the New American Academy of Pediatrics. Their treatment guidelines for attention deficit hyperactivity disorder say ADHD can be diagnosed in children as early as age four, and that Ritalin and similar drugs are an appropriate treatment even for those youngest kids with persistent symptoms when behavioral-management strategies don’t work. Many ADHD medications are only approved by the FDA for kids aged six and up, but physicians can use them off-label if they wish.

Family Journal believes many caveats should be considered when diagnosing ADHD in such younger aged children. For example, "behavioral management strategies often fail to work for emotionally disturbed or depressed children. Before deciding on a strategic intervention, how about a proper diagnosis? Children who are actually suffering from childhood depression or who are emotionally disturbed do not act like depressed adults do. Instead, they may be irritable and over-active. What a shame to misdiagnose their true conditions with the ADHD label, put them on Ritalin, then ignore the true cause of their “ADHD-like” behavior. The correct prescription, such as family therapy for a dysfunctional family producing emotionally disturbed children will not be prescribed and things will worsen. A “definition by exclusion” is the appropriate way to go. Once all the other possible diagnoses are ruled out, then try the ADHD option.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

LET THE HOMEWORK WARS BEGIN!

2011-10-14T22:04:00.003-04:00

Please take the short Homework Poll.

School's begun...and so have the homework wars! Many parents fret because their children's grades plummet. Others complain how their children seem to “forget” to bring assignments home, take forever to begin working on them, and hand in messy and incomplete work unless they stand over them. For many pointers on how to prevent this from happening, read: SCHOOL HOMEWORK- THE EVERLASTING PARENT/CHILD BATTLEGROUND

Yes, welcome to the universal parent-child battle ground! Parents and educators have challenged the value of homework since the early 1900’s, but whenever the amount of homework decreased, grades and test scores plummeted.

Keep encouraging your daughter to do her homework…and to do it “smarter.” Your efforts will enrich the basic skills she is learning in class, insure her state-decreed graduation test passage, and ultimately determine how far she goes in life. It seems she is floundering academically not because she can’t master the material, but because she is disorganized. So, organize and “set her up for success” by scheduling an agreeable, but specific, “study time”. Fashion an uncluttered, quiet and well-lit “study place”; furnish her with a pocket notebook to record assignments and discuss with her that finding answers to homework problems is her responsibility, and that you will offer guidance only as needed.

Determine if her homework is “child-friendly” and crafted with a qualitative, not quantitative, purpose; is planned as carefully as the classroom instructions; and is not only graded when turned in but occasionally glamorized with teacher comments honoring improvement as well as perfection.

Try “bibliotherapy” by reading and discussing children’s books with her that describe study hassles. I recommend “Mitch and Amy” by Beverly Bunn Cleary (1967), a story about twin 4th graders who solved their school difficulties (ages 9-11). Another proven resorce: “Winning the homework war” by F. Levine and K. Anesko (1987)

Lastly, pull out the ultimate combat weapon to terminate the homework war: “catch her being good” and sneak into her “study place” armed with a snack, a hug and a word of encouragement.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

DOES YOUR CHILD SUFFER FROM NATURE DEFICIT DISORDER?

2011-10-08T16:00:00.007-04:00

4 GREAT RESOURCES TO COMBAT NDD

Nature Deficit Disorder! Children need to get out and experience nature- to see, hear, smell, feel and touch the flora and fauna that envelops the earth. It can be done in the yard as well. A three-year old is more spellbound by a tiny, green worm inching it’s way aross the front sidewalk than by a $600 swing set set up in the backyard. We support US environmentalist and author Richard Louv and several other nature authors (above slide show) who offer ways to combat NDD. Louv says in his book Last Child in the Woods (above slide show), that returning to nature would be a decisive step towards promoting our children's healthy development. Experiencing nature helps strengthen their self-confidence and their ability to learn, he says.

The book, first published in 2005 and now reaching the international market, has provided food for thought in support of more ecological education. The book is aimed at parents, teachers, city planners, architects, politicians and business owners. Louv argues that the bond between children and nature has been severed.

He subtitled his book Saving Our Children From Nature Deficit Disorder, arguing that a number of physical and mental problems that children have are rooted in their lack of contact with nature.

Louv used studies and conducted interviews with educators and scientists to reach his conclusions. He links the high number of overweight children in the US and the frequency of attention deficit/hyperactivity syndrome to the lack of contact with nature. Louv places a lot of faith in the healing power of nature through experiencing it with all one's senses under an open sky.

Direct contact with the wilderness and its abundance strengthens a child's self-esteem, his personality and his learning aptitudes such as reading ability. According to the author, only people who have strong contact with nature from an early age can be respectful and protective of it as adults.

Based on his own experience, Louv has placed the bar high. He recommends children build tree houses, stay in cabins and find ways to observe wild animals in their environment. These ideas are hard to fulfill in a city, but the author suggest a number of possibilities for city children to have contact with nature.

For little children, a few trees make up a forest and a puddle can offer a window into a natural habitat. Lift a stone to find the ground teeming with bugs or observe the life of squirrels in city parks, Louv suggests. He also recommends that parents have their children work in the garden, go on hikes to places that are seldom visited or go on hikes at night. Children should have fun discovering nature and allow themselves to be amazed by it and respect it.

Related Posts:
Nature Deficit Disorder and Wildlife Friendly Yards
Backyard Nature Kits for Kids!
Create a Simple Butterfly Garden

From Jeanne Hamming of Scientific American Magazine:
"Unstructured outdoor play was standard for me as a hyperactive child growing up in the rural Midwest. I fondly recall digging forts, climbing trees and catching frogs without concern for kidnappers or West Nile virus. According to newspaper columnist and child advocate Richard Louv, such carefree days are gone for America’s youth. Boys and girls now live a "denatured childhood," Louv writes in Last Child in the Woods. He cites multiple causes for why children spend less time outdoors and why they have less access to nature: our growing addiction to electronic media, the relinquishment of green spaces to development, parents’ exaggerated fears of natural and human predators, and the threat of lawsuits and vandalism that has prompted community officials to forbid access to their land.

Drawing on personal experience and the perspectives of urban planners, educators, naturalists and psychologists, Louv links children’s alienation from nature to attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder, stress, depression and anxiety disorders, not to mention childhood obesity. The connections seem tenuous at times, but it is hard not to agree with him based on the acres of anecdotal evidence that he presents. According to Louv, the replacement of open meadows, woods and wetlands by manicured lawns, golf courses and housing developments has led children away from the natural world. What little time they spend outside is on designer playgrounds or fenced yards and is structured, safe and isolating. Such antiseptic spaces provide little opportunity for exploration, imagination or peaceful contemplation. Louv’s idea is not new.

Theodore Roosevelt saw a prophylactic dose of nature as a counter to mounting urban malaise in the early 20th century, and others since have expanded on the theme. What Louv adds is a focus on the restorative qualities of nature for children. He recommends that we reacquaint our children and ourselves with nature through hiking, fishing, bird-watching and disorganized, creative play. By doing so, he argues, we may lessen the frequency and severity of emotional and mental ailments and come to recognize the importance of preserving nature. At times Louv seems to conflate physical activity (a game of freeze tag) with nature play (building a tree fort), and it is hard to know which benefits children most.

This confusion may be caused by a deficiency in our larger understanding of the role nature plays in a child’s development. At Louv’s prompting, perhaps we will see further inquiry into this matter. In the meantime, parents, educators, therapists and city officials can benefit from taking seriously Louv’s call for a "nature-child reunion."

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

CHILDHOOD TEACHINGS CARRY INTO ADULTHOOD

2011-10-08T11:20:00.005-04:00

I enjoyed being a facilitator in the "Step-Teen" series. That stands for Systematic Training In Effective Parenting- with Teens. One session was devoted to saving childhood from extinction, which I added into the regular outline. Because childhood has neither a past or a future, kids live in the present. This "here and now" interval of development occurs only once, so it's crucial for parents to give their children blissful experiences. Happy adults carry around cheerful childhood memories throughout their lives, wherever they go, well into old age. This seed is planted only in childhood.

Making our children's lives too materialistic is detrimental. We can give our children the most by giving them the least. Many parents have witnessed a climbing tree, empty cardboard box, tiny green worm, or lightning bug delight children more than a high-priced toy ever could.

Happy adults appreciate the free and natural things around them. This enjoyment is learned in childhood. Allowing our children's misbehaviour to go without consequences injures them. As a child, when my father redecorated my bedroom, it meant he built a bookshelf. Today, saying "Go to your room!" won't allow a child to think about his/her wrongdoings if the bedroom is "redecorated" with an air conditioner, color TV set hooked up to several hundred TV cable channels and games, stereo, Nintendo, Pokemon, and computer games. Happy adults comprehend the logical connection between making a poor choice and its negative consequences. This awareness is discovered in childhood.

We must insure our children receive the best education possible. Children who learn to read and write well in school will enjoy life more. Happy adults are intrinsically motivated to learn after their formal schooling has ended. This lifelong learning begins in childhood.

Yes, we carry much of our childhood with us. Acting young helps us stay young...I'm going outside to play.

(A-33) "EMERGENCY ESSENTIALS" PREPARES FAMILIES TO SURVIVE IF A CATASTROPHE STRIKES

2011-09-19T18:19:00.159-04:00

The Family Journal supports the "Emergency Essentials" business group. Their motto is "Helping People Prepare…for over 20 years". The recent pre-9/11/11 terrorist threat uncovered (The target being New York City) involving 3 people, two of them being foreign and one being a naturalized U.S. citizen, brings to light the need for American families to prepare smartly...then go about their normal daily functioning.

We have a dramatic increase in the numbers and intensity of tornados, floods, wildfires, and many other events due to climate change. Emergency Essentials offers food storage, emergency kits, water filtration, first aid, MRE (Meals Ready to Eat), survival kits, camping gear, disaster preparedness and more! They have over 900 products! Throughout the article, we have featured Emergency Essentials Ads that remind you of how you can become better prepared is a Cyber attack, tornado or hurricane, power outage, wildfire....whatever!...separates you from the necessities of life. You can still maintain your families well-being by being prepared.

The Family Journal supports Emergency Essentials because they believe that in an emergency the difference between life and death is preparedeness. They have a wide variety of books and videos to help to know what to do before, during, and after an emergency. Emergency Essentials also provides insight about Preparedness Education with the following articles: Be Prepared, Disaster Preparedness for your Home in Three Easy Steps, and Emergency Preparedness at Work and School. "Preparation through education is less costly than learning through tragedy" - Max Mayfield, Director National Hurricane Center.

Natural disasters and emergencies may not normally occur while you are at home where your emergency supplies and food storage are kept. Because of this, it is important to have an emergency plan for the various places your family spends time. Our homes, schools and workplaces should have site-specific preparations for an emergency.Keep a backpack or duffle bag of your own personal supplies in a desk drawer. This pack could include the following:*Flashlight with extra batteriesIn addition to packing a small survival kit, here are some other important things you can do:*Read your company's evacuation plan. If your company doesn't have one, volunteer to prepare one. Make sure there is a good designated meeting location and every employee knows where to go.The following are ideas to help you and your children feel safe away from home during an emergency:*Contact your school district to find out about their emergency plan and the policy on how children will be released from school.Here are some ideas to help your family feel prepared wherever they are:*Discuss your family emergency evacuation plan from your home in case of fire or other disaster, and a specific location to meet.

Think about what you have at your office that will help you get through an emergency. Maybe you have a candy bar or a package of stale donuts in your desk drawer or maybe just an old pack of chewing gum. At least that's a start! Do you even know if your company has an evacuation plan or how to use that plan? The following are some simple ideas to help you feel safe at work, even during an emergency.

*Emergency bag or blanket (very compact and made of a special material that reflects up to 90% of your body heat)

*Food (high calorie food bars, MREs, granola bars, fruit bars, candy bars, crackers, fruit leather, raisins, nuts, prepackaged foods, etc.)

*Water pouches or juice boxes

*Pair of walking shoes

*Multi function knife

*Mini first aid kit (adhesive bandages, rolled bandages for sprains, pain reliever, any medication you need, gauze, antiseptic wipes, antibiotic first aid cream, etc.)

*Make sure you are aware of the exit routes in your building.

*Know where the fire extinguishers and first aid kits are located.

*Note the locations of stairways as you walk from room to room.

*Carry a card in your wallet or purse that has important phone numbers including the number of your out-of-state phone contact.

*Keep the area under your desk free of trash cans and clutter. This area is the best place to secure yourself in the event of an earthquake.

*Don't count on being able to get back to your desk for personal supplies if you are away when an emergency occurs. Store additional supplies in your car, such as an emergency car kit.

*Be sure you discuss a meeting plan with your family so they know where to go and when to expect you.

Schools should already have an emergency plan to make sure your children are safe, but do you know enough about it to explain it to your children?
*Some schools already have an emergency classroom kit. Find out where it is located. *Help your child prepare a small disaster kit for them to keep in their locker or desk. This kit could include the following:
-Flashlight with extra batteries
-Emergency bag or blanket (very compact and made of a special material that reflects up to 90% of your body heat)
-Food (high calorie food bars, MREs, granola bars, fruit bars, crackers, candy bars, fruit leather, raisins, nuts, prepackaged foods, etc.)
-Water pouches or juice boxes
-Comic book for stress or boredom relief
-Mini first aid kit (adhesive bandages, rolled bandages for sprains, pain reliever, any medication you need, gauze, antiseptic wipes, antibiotic first aid cream, etc.)Make sure your child knows how to use these first aid items properly. Help your child understand when they are allowed to use their disaster kit and exactly how to use it.
-Include an identification card with their name, address, telephone number, emergency telephone numbers, birth date, and a reminder note to stay calm.
Make a family fun night out of getting everyone prepared.
*Help your children memorize important phone numbers.
*Teach them the location of the nearest police and fire stations and their phone numbers.
*Know the route to the nearest hospital emergency room.
*Meet with your neighbors and find out who has medical experience and have a training night.
*Give spare keys to your trusted neighbors.
*Show your children where the utility shutoffs are and how to shut them off.
*Keep your car's gas tank at least half full.
*Familiarize your children with emergency preparedness products by going through your home emergency kit.

15 Reasons why you should prepare for the unexpected:

1. PetsYour pets are important members of the family, so be sure to include them in your disaster preparedness plan. You’ll need an evacuation strategy, and every pet should have proper ID tags in case it becomes separated from the family.
2. Earthquakes It may surprise you to learn that earthquakes have occurred in nearly all 50 states. Seismic activity can disrupt communities and displace families for weeks.
3. Terrorist attack The Oklahoma City bombing and attacks on the World Trade Center and Pentagon changed our lives forever. Terrorists strike without warning, so every family must have a terrorism preparedness plan. You could be affected by a Cyber, dirty bomb, chemical, biological, radiological, or nuclear attack.
4. Floods Virtually every community in the United States has endured floods after severe rain and thunderstorms. Never underestimate how quickly waters can rise.
5. Fires Fire is the fourth-leading cause of accidental death in the United States and the disaster families are most likely to experience. Flames can engulf an entire home in a matter of minutes.
6. Hurricanes You might call 2004 the “Year of the Hurricane,” as the number of tropical storms broke a 100-year-old record. More than 600,000 square miles of land were affected—and experts expect a “whirlwind” 2005.
7. Mudslides As heavy rains saturate hillsides, the risk of mudslides, mudflows and landslides rises nationwide. Slides can occur in any state, and they cause an estimated $2 billion in damages and 25–50 deaths each year.
8. Nuclear power plants/ Nuclear attack/Dirty bomb Accidents at nuclear power plants and the threat of nuclear attack have been on every American’s mind since Sept. 11. Knowing how to deal with a radiation-related emergency is crucial.
9. Wildfires Urban sprawl has prompted builders to develop residential communities in previously uninhabited areas. An errant spark in surrounding brush can ignite wildfires that threaten hundreds of homes and thousands of acres. Texas is currently battling over 60 separate wildfires that have burned downed hundreds of homes and residential neighborhoods.
10. Thunderstorms Thunderstorms can be particularly frightening when they’re accompanied by heavy rain, hail, lightning, strong winds, flooding and tornadoes—and conditions can change rapidly.

11. Tornados Twisters can wipe out entire towns within minutes. If you live in a tornado-prone state, you also need to prepare for the severe weather that can accompany them

12. Volcanoes Volcanoes are not limited to Hawaii. (Remember Mount St. Helens in Washington?) The United States ranks third among nations with active volcanoes, and 10% of eruptions over the last 10,000 years have occurred here.

13. Droughts If you live in an area plagued by drought conditions, it’s critical to take steps to protect community water supplies. Learn how to conserve water when performing routine household tasks.

`14. Tsunamis As the recent Indonesian tsunami demonstrated, a powerful earthquake can propel tidal waves hundreds of miles into dry land. While tsunamis are rare, all states with coastlines are at potential risk.

15. Blackout and power outages As the United States copes with energy crises, the federal government anticipates an increase in blackouts and power outages—particularly when demand for electricity peaks. The nationwide power grid is all connected and is also vulnerable to terrorist attack.

Children who have experienced a disaster may be traumatized for years to come. Learn how to prepare your kids for emergencies without scaring them unnecessarily, and access resources that can help them after a disaster strikes

16. Winter storms Many of us underestimate the brute force and potential lethality of winter storms, which can cripple communities of all sizes. Preparedness is the key to surviving a blizzard or noreaster.
It is important to think ahead and communicate with others in advance. By following these guidelines you will be better prepared to safely reunite with loved ones during an emergency.

(A-32) FAMILY BLACK SHEEP IS A UNIQUE CHAMPION!

2011-09-15T13:24:00.059-04:00

I remember a woman teacher who had an obvious low self-esteem. Other teachers would say, "She has so much capability but she holds herself back." I talked, informally, with her and found out that she had siblings who were very successful. She felt that she couldn’t measure up to them. She even made the comment that she was the “black sheep” of the family.

Her parents practiced autocratic parenting and didn't tolerate average grades and stressed total excellence in every endeavor the children pursued. "Climb to the top" was their motto and each child was expected to become adults who were very well off financially. Apparently, not well-off emotionally. She, nor her successful siblings, never experienced unconditional love (true love, I call it). Her folks actually looked down on her teaching profession because she didn't make enough money to live in a plush home set in a ritzy neighborhood.

"This 'factory assembly line' approach to parenting, where individual differences among siblings isn't accepted, has marked many children with emotional scars that they carry around today as adults. They still have their parent's fingerprints all over them."

I assured this capable but under performing teacher that the Natural Order dictated before birth that she wouldn’t be like her brothers or sisters, or like any one else on earth. How we are created ordains this fact, so we should strive to find, and be, ourselves. We didn’t arrive on planet earth by serendipity means.

By metaphysical design, millions of sperm cells, each which would have to be magnified a thousand times for our eyes to behold, struggled to reach an egg that was smaller than the point of a needle. Only one survived, while millions of its challengers weakened and perished in the struggle. One grappling sperm cell, out of millions, made each of us! It, miraculously, bonded with an egg containing a tiny nucleus.

The Natural Order dictates that everyone is born to be a unique champion. I suggested she refrained from defining her worth via comparison with siblings and recommended she seek an impartial, professional counselor who could help her unearth her incomparable uniqueness.

As a school psychologist at the time, I did notice her ability to relate to children (She taught 3rd grade). Teaching is 2/3 art form and 1/3 academic preparation. She had the art form part down pat. I encouraged her, along with the principal, to forget the emotional baggage her parents stuffed into her head and focus on becoming the best teacher she could possibly be.

Today, she is a professional teacher who is revered by many parents of the children she's presently teaching and by past students who are now adults. She has forgotten about being labeled a "black sheep" years ago by her parents.

The term "black sheep" is so derogatory and I don't know why black sheep symbolize worthlessness. After all, the wool on a black sheep is just as warm and cuddly as that on a white sheep. Maybe shepherds despised them because their fleeces couldn't be dyed like those of white sheep.

Just for fun, I looked up "black sheep" in the Folk-Lore Record, 1878, where there is a contradictory and long-standing English country tradition that black sheep are omens of good fortune. The Folk-Lore Record, 1878, included this piece:

This woman, this "black sheep", has a naturally-imposed uniqueness from her siblings that intended by design the moment this microscopic struggle began. This sperm, and its egg, contained 24 chromosomes, each wrapped in Jell-O like beads strung together. Each bead housed hundreds of genes.

The bonding fused her parent’s ancestral past. One healthy and victorious sperm bonded with one expectant egg, both conquerors of millions of years of human-kind’s battle for survival. This unbeaten bonding couldn’t possibly have created a “black sheep”.

"We speak figuratively of the one black sheep that is the cause of sorrow in a family; but in its reality it is regarded by the Sussex shepherd as an omen of good luck to his flock."

So there! You're an omen of good luck! From here on, you will be the best you can at whatever you're doing. Do the best you can, with what you've got, at this point in time. Stop trying to prove your parents and siblings are wrong. You don't need financial renumeration for all the heart aches others threw into your life...you need emotional renumeration.

And, my teacher friend did just that! She got that renumeration by reaching out to children and parents who were aching just like she was. She was more than an underpaid teacher (Her school district was broke)- she was a mentor, counselor, and guardian as well. She invested her time putting emotional deposits into other people's emotional bank accounts and has received emotional interest payments back in return.

Enjoy the song by John Anderson: "The Black Sheep of the Family"

(A-31) FAMILY JOURNAL: FAMILIES WITH HANDICAPPED KIDS FACE TOUGH TIMES

2011-09-10T14:19:00.024-04:00

Nationwide, one in 110 babies is diagnosed with autism- a 60% increase for boys and a 48% increase for girls from a few years ago. Mental retardation is also identified more often among babies- every 5 minutes a child is born with such a cognitive setback. In Ohio, 4,500 babies are born each year with a birth defect, making it the leading cause of infant death and accounting for 19% of infant deaths in the Buckeye state.

I offer the growing number of parents having babies with disabilities a story. It‘s called, "Welcome To Holland" and was written by a mother experiencing what you are. She had a child with "Down's Syndrome". It illustrates the isolation and grief parents of babies with disabilities feel:

Welcome To Holland!

"When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting!

After months of anticipation, the day arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, 'Welcome to Holland'. 'Holland?', you say, 'I signed up for Italy, all my life I've dreamed of going to taly.'

But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting place, full of famine and disease. It's just a different place.

So you must go out and buy new guidebooks, learn a whole new language and meet a new group of people you would never have met. It's slower-paced and less flashy than Italy. But, after a while you catch your breath, you look around and notice that Holland has windmills, colorful tulips and even Rembrandts.

But everyone you know is coming and going from Italy. They're bragging about the wonderful time they had there. For the rest of your life you say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go, that's what I had planned.'

The loss of that dream trip to Italy will always hurt. But, if you spend a life mourning that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, lovely things about Holland."

The Family Journal recognizes that today‘s parents with disabled children are distressed from economic and financial difficulties, adding more stress to the unfortunate rerouted air flight to Holland.

Researchers studied 28,141 such families at all income levels and found they were significantly more challenged by food, housing and health issues than families without disabled children. Surprisingly, a significant percentage of those struggling were higher-income households (National Survey of Am. Families). In fact, a significant number of families earning two to three times the federal poverty level (Av. $24,000 for family of four) worried that the food may run out, skipped meals due to lack of money, were unable to pay their rent, or had to move in with others.

Unfortunately, these higher-income, middle-class families raising disabled children may not qualify for assistance, since the qualifying income guidelines were set in the 1960’s.

For all the parents raising children with disabilities who have additional concerns due to the distressed economy…try to remember that Holland has many beautiful things to see.

Related Posts:

Special needs tutors also available

(A-30) 4-YEAR COLLEGE DEGREE NOW AFFORDABLE & HIGH-QUALITY

2011-09-07T16:02:00.018-04:00

StraighterLine makes obtaining a college education less expensive without interfering with a quality education. Through their online college courses, students can complete general education requirements (courses normally taken Freshman or Sophomore year) for under $1000. This translates into a savings of up to 90% on their first year's tuition. View the video (bottom of article).

StraighterLine's courses are perfect for the following people:
*All First Time College Students!
*High School Students (they can get credit while still in high school). Did you know that students that have college credit prior to enrolling in college are twice as likely to complete a degree? With StraighterLine, you can get college credit prior to starting college
*Recent High School Graduate
*College Freshman
*Career changers or people going back to school
*Adult learners
*Military personal and their families (or anyone who travels a lot)
*International Students (or US students looking to study abroad)
*the list goes on!

The online classes are self-paced and so flexible that students can study when they want, where they want and how they want. There are no due dates or assigned class times and students save thousands of dollars.

StraighterLine is continually adding new college partners and bundles to make it even easier and more cost effective for our students to earn their college degrees. In short, they're innovators in the way America is transforming college and higher education by allowing more students to afford a great education.

Due to StraighterLine, a quality college education is now more affordable in the face of escalating costs in obtaining a four-year college degree.

StraighterLine offers two innovative programs:
(1) The “Freshman Year for $999” program is designed to help college students and their families address rampant rising tuition costs of college education. Students can take up to 10 StraighterLine courses for a single fee of $999 and realize savings of more than 90% versus the first-year tuition at many colleges.

(2) Students can also enroll in a subscription package of online college courses for $99 a month that allows students who can move the material even faster an opportunity for even greater savings.

Both programs includes up to 10 hours of one-on-one instructional support.

Students who successfully complete StraighterLine online college courses receive credit when they enroll with any school in our rapidly expanding network of regionally accredited partner colleges and universities. In addition, the American Council on Education’s College Credit Recommendation Service (ACE CREDIT) has also evaluated and recommended college credit for StraighterLine courses.

(A-29) AMAZING MONTESSORI MATERIALS MAKE LEARNING EXCITING!

2011-08-29T00:34:00.022-04:00

HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

The geographical and philosophical roots of America's 5,000+ Montessori schools originated in eastern Italy in 1870, when Maria Montessori was born. She grew up as an only child and proved to be a willful and intelligent young girl who defied society's subjugation of women at the time. At age 12, she insisted on attending a boy's technical math and science school. Not surprisingly, her powerful character empowered her to go against all odds and she graduated from the University of Rome to become the first woman medical doctor. The Family Journal offers parents a Montessori Learning Store that has 14 aisles of Montessori developmental learning materials for babies and preschoolers to older children and teens. The "Pink Towers" toy (See video below) is an example of the developmental learning materials in the store.

The Montessori methods and practices used today emerged from her scientific observations of mentally slow and poverty-stricken children at a care center in the San Lorenzo slums of Rome. She learned much from studying these children and engineered a nurturing environment enhanced with developmentally appropriate, specialized materials.

Here are four guiding principles which are distinctive to the Montessori way and which make Montessori education so child-friendly and unique:

Principle No. 1: Emphasize on the Process of learning, not the Product- "Education should no longer be mostly imparting knowledge, but must take a new path, seeking the release of human potentialities." Children possess an intrinsic love to learn, to become lifelong learners. Focusing on the product of learning like a high-stakes proficiency test or semester exam will stifle a child's spontaneous and natural urge to learn.

Dr Montessori would eschew today's practice of "teaching to the test," where the curriculum becomes a mile wide and inch deep experience. Instead, Montessori education spotlights the process of learning, rewarding a child's day-to-day efforts and improvements, no matter how small. Learning occurs in a supportive atmosphere of problem-solving, critical thinking, experiential learning, and ultimately, self-discovery.

Principle No. 2: Self-directed learning and self-discovery can happen in a "Prepared Environment" where the classroom, materials, and social climate are supportive. Maria Montessori once stated, "These words reveal the child's inner self: 'Help me do it alone'." Children are respected and permitted to work alone or in small groups at their own pace with materials they select from a menu of options.

This freedom of choice is far from permitting children to "do their own thing," since it operates within a set of age-appropriate ground rules based on Dr Montessori beliefs, such as respect for each other and for the learning environment.

VISIT THE MONTESSORI LEARNING STORE!

Principle No. 3: The teacher is a facilitator who inspires development of the "whole child"- physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Dr Montessori remarked decades ago, "We must observe the needs of a child...and respond to them with meaningful learning experiences." That's why Montessori teachers are fully trained to anticipate, recognize and respond to "sensitive periods" where children make great intuitive leaps and certain types of learning undergo a sudden surge in eagerness and intensity. The teacher "strikes while the iron is hot," directing the children toward materials that fulfill their developmental needs.

Learning is based on individual developmental characteristics and needs, not on chronological age. The Montessori way respects the child as a unique person with an individual pattern and timing of growth and concedes that each child carries his own internal, developmental alarm clock. Different levels of ability, development and learning styles are expected, accepted, and used to design the curriculum.

Children in multi-age and multi-grade Montessori classrooms move at their own pace. It would be foolish to establish a set age or grade cut-off date for a child to ride a bike. Likewise, Montessori classrooms do not dictate that all children automatically learn how to read simply because they've made 6 orbits around the sun. Some read by age 7, others may need more exposure to Montessori literacy experiences to learn to read by age 8 or 9.

The teachers receive extensive training, personalized for each of four distinct age spans: infant and toddler, 3-6, 6-9, and 9-12. Children journey through these four developmental age periods in an orderly, sequential and predictable manner - but at varying rates. Montessori teachers are sensitized to the fact that kids learn best when the time is ripe- not school time, but their own. They always listen for a child's inner clock to chime.

Principle No. 4: Dr Montessori sensed that ingenious developmental materials play a critical role in guiding children through each "sensitive period" and in sustaining a gratifying learning environment. I'll never forget witnessing a multi-handicapped child mainstreamed into a regular public school kindergarten enhance her visual-motor and self-care skills, thanks to the Montessori Dressing Frames. The child's fleeting attention span transformed into intense, sustained concentration as she experimented with snapping buckles, fastening large buttons, tying shoe laces, closing up zippers, and bow-tying.

Dr Montessori, as physician and educator, learned the kind of things that aroused children's natural curiosity and which they faithfully went back to.

The resources in a Montessori classroom are unique in that they are multi-sensory, sequentially increase in complexity, and are self-correcting. These characteristics smooth the process of learning from the concrete world of touch to understanding abstract ideas. For example, a young child eagerly playing with Montessori Golden Beads, the Hundred Board, Stamp Game, Spindle Box, and solid wooden rods divided into units by color and length, intuitively builds a solid foundation critical to comprehending higher level math concepts. The play is fun, but not random.

The carefully sequenced activities build upon one another and learning advances naturally from the known to the unknown as the child grasps the concepts of number relationships, money, time, weights and measurements, and ultimately algebraic equations.

These four guiding principles, discovered by Maria Montessori over a century ago, realize that the ability for a child to learn is enhanced by the development of activities and stimuli (materials) which fully utilize the present state of his receptive mechanism. Today, the Montessori way continues to capitalize on the physiological and psychological readiness of each child. The ultimate goal is to never lose a child's freshness, curiosity and willingness to explore and experiment.

VISIT THE MONTESSORI LEARNING STORE!

(A-28) 51 EXCELLENT FREE CHILD-FRIENDLY WEBSITES- YOUR YOUNG CHILD CAN MASTER ACADEMIC SKILLS ONLINE!

2011-08-07T01:12:00.021-04:00

We've gotten requests from parents who want some high-quality Websites to teach their younger aged children skills essential for academic development. After rejecting several dozen, we continued our research and came up with 51 excellent ones! Have fun with your child; these are fun and teach neat concepts:

51 Excellent Free Websites To Teach Young Children Academic Skills!

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10 PRESCHOOL ACADEMIC DEVELOPMENT GAMES- OUR PICKS!

VISIT THE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

(A-27) JOB PROMOTION VS BALANCING WORK & LIFE

2011-08-05T12:28:00.012-04:00

A growing number of managers and executives who have achieved their occupational and financial goals have turned down promotions in order to spend more time with their families. True, many want to make it to the top, but not everyone wants to get promoted. A recent survey reveals that 71 percent of workers “do not want their manager’s job.” It seems that more workers define themselves in terms of the overall quality of their lives…not just by success and money.

I know a 20-year medical technologist lab worker who turned down a director position offer because he enjoyed his work/life balance and loved his day-to-day job duties so much that he didn‘t want to alter them. It must be a difficult decision on whether to keep pushing up the executive ladder or to downsize one’s life.

Lots of managerial and executive types have climbed the ladder of success only to find out the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. One budding executive was thinking of turning down a promotion, which would require him and his family to move out of state. He wanted my opinion. I couldn’t tell him which direction to go, but suggested he express his feelings with his family and others who have “downsized” their lives. I did tell him he wasn’t alone in desiring to free himself from becoming a prisoner of the workplace.

It’s a cost vs. gain decision: a job promotion involves longer hours spent at work, more material and occupational gains vs. losing a part of family life and never feeling you belong to something greater than yourself.

Climbing the executive career ladder is the sole desire for most in the beginning. But, as they grow older, as their kids fledge the nest and as their elderly parents lose self-reliance, they begin to view their fast-track lives as a narrow set of goals which lacked something. In short, their professional victories led to the defeat of their personal needs and family lives.

This “downsizing” of career goals began in the late 1980’s. Surveys conducted by Robert Half International, Inc. and by the Roper Organization (1990) found 78 percent of men would choose a career path with flexible full-time hours and more family time, but slower career advancement over one with inflexible hours and fast career advancement. They also found 67 percent of both men and women would accept a 13-percent salary cut in order to have more family or personal time. Also, for the first time in fifteen years, more workers said leisure time, not work time, was “the most important” thing in their lives.

People seem to rate themselves on both career and family victories, a sort of work-life equilibrium. In this balanced sense, they’d rather be rated a first-rate bricklayer’s helper and family man…than a fourth-rate executive.

(A-26) TEENS WORKING AFTER-SCHOOL- GOOD OR BAD IDEA?

2011-08-02T17:10:00.023-04:00

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Many teens have hectic schedules and do not get adequate sleep. One mother was concerned about her daughter, Amy, who participates in schools clubs, holds down a part-time job after school, and doesn't begin studying until 9:30p.m. Bedtime for her is around 11:30 p.m. Then, she arises at 6:30 a.m. the next morning for school, which starts at 7:50 a.m. Amy seems very tired by Friday, but still makes good grades and refuses to quit her part-time job.

Is Amy’s after-school job and resultant fatigue typical or uncommon among teens? In my hometown, while I grocery shop at Krogers, take in a movie at Paramount Cinema, or dine at Arby’s, Taco Bell, or Big Boy restaurants on West State Street, I quickly see the significant numbers of Fremont teens working full- or part-time jobs. Yes, the “Cutlery Captial of the World” reflects the national trend- U.S. teens work longer hours at after-school jobs than their peers in 18 other Western countries.

Amy’s situation is typical. So typical that child-labor experts recommended to Congress that children under 18 should have limited work hours after school. Many parents question whether or not their teens should work on school nights. I offer three issues for parents to consider.

The first concerns adolescent sleep deprivation. Researchers found that lack of adequate sleep in teens is associated with deficits in memory and information processing, along with irritability, decreased creativity, increased potential for drug/alcohol abuse, and diminished ability to handle complex tasks. Adolescents need more sleep, not less, as they progress through the teen years. They need nine hours sleep per night to avoid the consequences of sleep deprivation.

Researchers also revealed that 20 percent of high school students fall asleep in school (Maas, 1995) and that the symptoms of sleep deprivation are worse in earlier starting high schools (Allen, 1991). Not surprising, students who lack sufficient sleep have poorer grades.

As I trudged through the research findings, I wondered how much of teen “illnesses” confronted by school nurses and behavioral problems dealt with by parents, assistant principals, and the juvenile courts could be avoided if teens got adequate sleep.
Unfortunately, a second caveat of after-school work involves injuries. Researchers sampled 91 emergency rooms to find out how many teens ages 15-17 were injured while working in restaurants. They found 108,060 injuries were sustained while on the job- 63% occurring solely in fast-food restaurants, mostly from grease burns (Hendricks & Layne study). Overall, each year roughly 70 teens die from work injuries and 70,000 sustain injuries bad enough to merit hospital emergency room treatment. Most of the deaths and injuries result from driving cars or business vans or using heavy equipment and power tools.

The third issue for parents to consider involves school performance. Parents worry if their teens can juggle school and work demands. Ironically, one study found that students who work 10-20 hours/week after-school have higher grades than those who don’t work at all! Another contradictory study revealed that students working about an hour a day do better than those who don’t work. But, teens who work over 3 hours a day have lower grades than other students.

Regardless of the contradictions, as a rule of thumb, the hours teens work after-school should be limited. Assume the worst case scenario, that your teen’s after-school job may hinder his/her school performance. Then, plan accordingly. Carefully monitor the demands of your teen’s employment and academic performance. For some teens, grades come easy. For others, they don‘t. Regardless, insist that your teen’s main job is school. A verbal or written contract can be agreed upon before the job search and the job schedule will be modified if school grades suffer. If need be, an academic nosedive equals pulling the plug on the after-school job.

See also: SHOULD HIGH SCHOOLS HAVE LATER STARTING TIMES?

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-25) MANY GRANDPARENTS PROVIDE SPECIAL BOND...FROM AFAR!

2011-08-01T19:10:00.020-04:00

The 40+ million grandparents in the U.S. play a meaningful part in their grand-children's lives by giving unconditional love, support, and a living view of bygone days. But, can this special bond survive if the grandparents live far away from their grandchildren? Some parents told me how the glue between grandparents and grandchildren is kept strong, despite the long distance between them.

One couple recently moved to my neighborhood with their two young children, Seth and Shanna. Their father audits nuclear power plants and is currently inspecting operations at Davis-Bessie Nuclear Power. Seth and Shanna's grandparents live faraway, but they make every visit count. Both kids spend a week each summer visiting their grandmas and grandpas, who pre-plan activities they know kids their age love, like horseback riding, putt-putt, and touring an amusement park. When I asked Seth to describe his grandparents, he said, "They're coooool!"

The parents I talked with enjoy the quality time grandma/grandpa spend with their kids. It seems since grandparents aren't to busy supporting them, they can enjoy them better. I guess when we can finally afford to have children, we'll be having grandchildren.

Despite the miles separating grandparents from grandkids, creative use of tape recorders, camcorders, computers, and letter-writing can enhance the special bond. Kids love stories and grandparents can record funny family stories, or popular children's short stories onto tape cassettes or audio CD's. They can become "CD pals" as well as pen pals to their grandkids. A growing number of grandparents and grandkids know how to use the Internet to send email. Both can learn to send photos, colorful type, clipart pictures, and more to write fun notes via the internet.

Heck! Why not have weekly video-conferences with a webcam...helloooo facebook and SKYPE! Grandparents and grandkids can use the webcam to join in everyday events, like drawing a picture while grandma watches, then holding it up to the webcam for her to see it. Using a FREE webcam, children have played games with grandparents, like "Twenty Questions" or figured out crossword puzzles. Children’s story books can be read over the webcam as well. Your children can even eat dinner with grandma's company on the webcam, or invite their grandparents to join a birthday party online.

Back to old fashioned letter writing- children love to get mail, as in snail mail. Letters or packages should be sent directly to the grandchild, garnished with colorful stamps, fancy stickers, and all the trimmings. A regular system of letters from grandma/grandpa makes children feel special and also makes visits and telephone calls more rewarding.

Sending homemade videos keeps a vivid memory alive in the grandchild's mind. One family I interviewed received a video from the grandparents, but grandma altered her appearance slightly. Their four-year old daughter exclaimed, "Look! Gram's hair got blond!"

Seven-year old Emily and brother Noah, children of a couple I interviewed, prove grandparents don't have to give expensive gifts to retain the special bond. Grandma gave them a box of her old mementos, including a passe fur collar made from fox pelts, complete with tails, ears, and eye slits. Emily described it to me with a look of fascination, "They're dead...but the bodies are still there!"

Grandchildren like Seth, Shanna, Emily, and Noah will carry the special bond they have with their grandparents into their adulthood and deliver it someday to their own grandchildren. Plant a seed- stay close to your grandkids even if they're far away...they'll always remember your cared enough to try.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal issues? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-24) TEACH ALPHABET THE OLD FASHIONED WAY

2011-06-30T12:26:00.012-04:00

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Dear Mr. Morton- I’m trying to teach my toddler the alphabet. I’m not pressuring him, but I’d like him to learn all the upper and lower case letters before he enters Kindergarten. I use a computer program that does everything for recognizing and matching letters, but he still has problems drawing them. Any tips?- Parents in Bay Village Dear Parents- I’m glad you’re making it a fun project. You don’t want to turn your todler off to school before he starts! First, toss the computer and get a hold of a small chalkboard, three-dimensional plastic or wood letters, a pile of 8½ x 11-inch paper, large pencils and crayons.

Decades ago, a lady name Grace Fernald practiced the theory that young children benefit from a multi-sensory approach to learning. Your computer screen can access worldwide events, but it cannot connect to your child’s tactile and kinesthetic modalities and neural pathways. Here’s how you can. On the large paper, use a magic marker to put dots ¼-inch apart to form a capital “A” at least 8-inches high. Your child can finger-trace the dots while saying “A-A-A”. The visual (seeing), tracing (tactile or touch), and auditory (hearing) modalities are used. But, since the letter “A” dots are drawn 8-inches high, his large shoulder and arm muscles are called into play. This is called kinesthetic input and is better than using small wrist and hand muscles.

Have him “feel” a three-dimensional wooden or plastic letter “A” for more tactile input. For review, have him close his eyes and feel several different capital letters he’s learned and guess which one it is. Saying aloud while tracing large letters through chalk dust with his index and middle fingers on the chalkboard also call in Grace Fernald’s multi-sensory approach: looking (visual)- saying (auditory)- kinesthetic (large muscles)- touching (tactile).

Gradually, remove the structure! Use fewer dots until only three are used to make the capital “A”. Eventually, he should be able to draw the “A” just by hearing its name. Next, start with “B”.

Related Posts: See Great Child Websites for free online computer games to teach alphabet and other academic skills, Kdn. through 12th grades.

Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal issues? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-23) SHED NEGATIVE THOUGHTS FROM YOUR LIFE

2011-05-09T11:03:00.011-04:00

Note: scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-23) NEGATIVE THOUGHTS" for free videos and free articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- I am in my late 20’s and think often of negative thoughts, including a demoralizing upbringing by overly-critical parents. How can I think about happy things when negative thoughts keep surfacing? Could counseling help? Any tips? - S.J., Bay Village, Ohio

Dear S.J. - We, on average, have about 50,000 thoughts enter and leave our mind each day. If we weren’t able to naturally dismiss them we would be swamped in confusion, anxiety, and overstimulation. We all possess a natural ability to be selective about the thoughts we dwell on. Why not make them happy ones? If you dwell on thoughts that interfere with your emotional well-being, dismiss them. The truth is that all of us have the power to dump any thoughts that we want to.
The expression “time heals all wounds” is another way of saying people get over painful memories because they washed the painful event from their minds, over time. But, is it merely the passage of time that enables us to deep-six painful musings? If it were, we’d all get over painful thoughts at the same time…but we don’t. I remember a D.O. medical doctor tell me that developing a strong and positive mental attitude has helped his patients more than any wonder drug.

Some dwell on trifling mental aches for a lifetime while others abandon torturous memories quickly. It seems that some have learned better than others that humans become what they think about…or don’t think about. Choosing to dismiss painful thoughts makes them feel healthier and happier. They make a habit out of the process. They recognize that the traumatic incident (s) is dead and gone in the real world, so why let it breathe and resurrect itself in their minds?

If you seek counseling, determine if the counselor will force you to relive your negative upbringing. If so, you won’t be able to go through the above-mentioned process and matters may get worse. It’s an inside-outside process. By changing the inner attitudes of your mind, you can change the outer aspects of your life. Think the 20/80 percent ration: briefly discuss the past hurts (20), then spend hours analyzing what’s right in your life and how you can improve it (80). Your 50,000 daily thoughts will develop into happier ones.
Lastly, visit the Family Journal for free videos and more free article on this topic.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal issues? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-22) ENCOURAGING SHY CHILDREN TO MAKE FRIENDS

2011-04-30T15:36:00.011-04:00

Note: Scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-22 SHY CHILDREN) for free videos and free articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- My daughter, age 9, is unhappy because she has difficulty making and keeping friends. She has problems relating to how others feel. How can parents teach children empathy and the skills to build friendships? - L.G., Port Clinton, Ohio
(free photo from dreamtime)

Dear L.G. - Most younger children only share toys, not opinions or feelings. But, beginning at around age 8, lasting until age 12, children become less self-involved, develop empathy toward others, and begin to understand how others may view the world differently. Here are some tips to augment the process:
We “size up” social situations and how people feel only 10 percent via listening to what they say and 90 percent by watching their nonverbal cues, like facial expressions and body language. Try browsing through magazines with your daughter and have her “read” what the people seem to be saying or feeling by their actions and facial expressions in each photo.

In a fun-type manner, go through the five steps of “verbal mediation” when a misunderstanding with playmates occurs. Review with her (1) the social context in which the problem arose (what was going on), (2) what she said or did, (3) how her behavior may have contributed to the unpleasant social outcome. Then (4) help her brainstorm alternative things she could have said or done and (5) the better consequences which could have resulted.

Being friendless may, ironically, teach her how to be a friend. None of us is born with social elegance; our capability to make friends is cultivated to varying degrees by our experiences. We see some kids quickly excel in sports, music, art, or academics…and others who take more time. Likewise, we see some youngsters effortlessly make warm, lasting friendships, while others do…but in their own way and time. Many find early on that they make friends quicker by showing empathy and interest in others than by trying to get others interested in them.

Lastly, try bibliotherapy. Have her read age-appropriate books on the subject, then discuss them with her. I recommend these children’s books: “A Smart Girl’s Guide to Friendship Troubles” by Patti Criswell (2003, Pleasant Co.); “How to Lose All Your Friends” by Nancy Carlson (1994, Puffin); and “Friends: Making Them & Keeping Them” (Pleasant Co.).

Empathy is an innate emotion in all of us; it just needs to be nourished more in some than in others. And, it’s the cornerstone needed to construct worthwhile friendships. Your daughter will develop her own social skills and friendships in her own way and in her own time…just keep encouraging her along the way.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form

(A-21) SCHOOL VIOLENCE TAKES ON NEW TWIST

2011-04-24T15:58:00.010-04:00

Note: Scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-21) SCHOOL VIOLENCE" for free videos and articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- I have heard much conflicting information about the violence in our schools. There are stockpiles of information on the topic online, but the statistics on its occurrence conflict and experts disagree as to the causes and what to do about it. I don’t even know how concerned I should be about the safety of my children. Where can one obtain reliable data online? -- Concerned Parent.

Dear Parent- If people preach that our classrooms have gone from safe havens to potential war zones, don’t believe them. American parents send 50 million children to 80,000 schools each day, and the chance of one becoming a fatality to violent crime in or around a school is roughly one in a million.

Nationally, the number of students killed by violence has not increased, staying at about fifty-five each year over the last decade. The total number of firearm events has decreased steadily since the 1992-93 school year, due to intensified security
precautions. Few of us are pacified, however, because of the new twist in the
nature of this diminishing deadly violence. We are upset by the increase in the number of multiple victim events. During the past three school years, an average of five multiple victim events per year occurred, up from only one per year from 1992-95. No longer does a enraged student single out a specific victim when his anger boils over. These days, the violence is aimed at multiple victims in some broad division of the student body, and includes bystanderscaught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Prevention of school violence begins at home, and parents and school administrators must communicate. In 1998, fifty-seven percent of elementary and secondary principals reported at least one crime serious enough to summon the police. Be thankful if your principal doesn’t have his/her head stuck in the sand.

These websites offer well-researched information on school violence:

(1) http://www.dumfries.com/caddigan_speaks_out_on_scho ol_vi.htm

(2) http://www.ncpa.org/pi/edu/march98m.html

(3) http://www.ncpa.org/pi/edu/pdedu/pdedu173.html

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Contact him at the Family Journal's secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-20) CHILDREN "LOCKED INTO" SEEKING UNDUE ATTENTION

2011-02-14T23:15:00.015-05:00

Note: Scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-20) ATTENTION-SEEKING" for free articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- Our nephew is always trying to get attention. When his mother (my sister) is on the phone he tugs at her pants. When we have family get-togethers, he’s always at the center of attention. I know children seek attention, but when is too much, too much?- R.T., Sandusky Co.

Dear R.T.- True, the desire for attention is universal in younger children- practically all children seek attention at one time or another. However, if a child is “locked into” an attention-seeking mode, the parents should investigate what purpose or goal may be propelling the drive for “undue” attention. All behavior is purposeful and your nephew’s actions usually point toward and achieve something for him.

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Many children who constantly seek undue attention are somewhat discouraged, in that they don’t feel they can contribute to the family in useful ways. One family I counseled demonstrates this widespread phenomenon. Their child sought attention in productive ways before the transgression arose and they discovered that they had overlooked much of his praiseworthy behavior.

These hard-working, dual income, and loving parents concluded that their child purposefully became a nuisance. He intentionally pestered everyone to become the center of attention- his goal was to be noticed, albeit in useless ways. Their son was hell bent on obtaining significance in the family via useless bids for attention.

Paradoxically, the parents were unintentionally reinforcing the very behaviors they wished to terminate by nagging, scolding, grounding, lecturing, reprimanding and occasionally spanking. Unfortunately, to many children, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Excellent video (below) on these "undue" behaviors of attention-seeking:

The whining and pestering behaviors withered away after the energy driving them was uncovered. They recognized he needed an audience, so they ignored the annoying behaviors and “caught him being good”-praising behaviors that respected the rights of others and maintained the family order.

When their child found he could achieve significance through helpful family contributions rather than with useless bids for attention…the misbehavior ceased.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as School Psychologist and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions? Comments? Personal stories, articles or photos you'd like to share? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. View the national Family Journal column.

(A-19) OUR CHILDREN ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST

2011-02-09T09:18:00.012-05:00

Dear Mr. Morton- My daughter was playing with her friend. They’re both age 5. I was startled when her friend began acting out Barbie and Ken dolls kissing, then playing out a fight and divorce between them. What’s happening to childhood and do you think kids are growing up too fast?- Anonymous, Ohio.

Dear Anonymous- I learned more from being a child in the unhurried 50’s than in taking graduate child development courses. So, as a one-time tot myself, I wave my magic wand to reestablish eight standards that made past childhoods happy:
(1) Declare childhood a “Golden Period” where freedom is not permitted to be seized by the tensions of the adult world.
(2) Teach children how to create something from nothing instead of getting expensive playthings that do everything for them. Playing hide-and-seek, statue, or kick-the-can will once again brighten an entire afternoon.
(3) Allow tomboys to emerge once again.

(4) Empower children to feel genuine and not as if they’re on a stage all the time. How? By making many of today’s Baby Boomer parents, the most educated and richest parents in history, less narcissistic. Then, they may stop using their children’s achievements as another manifesto that they can afford the good life.
(5) Make parents appreciate that a small child is more captivated by a tiny, green worm that by an elaborate play set dad erected in the backyard.
(6) Require parents to schedule ample time in their week-at-a-glance calendars for kids to run barefoot, pick dandelions, climb trees, and to catch crayfish or frogs in the local creek.
(7) Finance schools so they’re the most tantalizing, safe, and comforting places for children to set foot in, especially those in lower income areas.
(8) Furnish kids with Good Samaritan heroes/heroines like the Lone Ranger, Jackie Robison, Roy Rogers and Merryl David.
As a former kid myself, I now wave my magic wand to insure childhood flourishes.

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Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-18) POSITIVE HOME ATMOSPHERE CAN BOLSTER CHILDREN'S SELF-ESTEEM

2011-02-05T13:11:00.023-05:00

Dear Mr. Morton- Our elementary school son has a low self-esteem. Can you recommend any resources that teach parents how to raise their child’s confidence?- Anonymous

(photo compliments of livestrong.com) Dear Anonymous- Self-esteem cannot be taught directly, formally, through self-help books, or by viewing videos on the topic.

One’s sense of self worth emerges incidentally, naturally, and gradually through many positive interactions at home, all of which make kids feel secure and good about themselves. A positive self-esteem arises from an encouraging home atmosphere. Here’s some parenting practices and styles which make kids feel good about themselves:
Unconditional Love. Love your son without strings attached. Confident kids know their parents accept them, while uncertain and fearful children feel they were never quite right in their parents’ eyes.

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Offer compliments, not criticism. Be quick in looking for the best in your son and be slow in pinpointing his flaws. Adult functioning can be harmed by never-ending compliments and restored by constructive criticism. But, maturing children blossom from the opposite. Listen and talk to your son often. Children need to know their parents are interested in what they’re thinking, what interests them, and what is troubling them. Treat your son as a special and unique individual. All children carry their own developmental internal clock, one different from all others. Self-assured kids maintain importance in their parents’ minds simply because they exist. Apprehensive children sense that parental glory is gained solely through achievement credentials.

Kids gain confidence and courage knowing that mom and dad are readily available if a problem should arise. Unsure children have to keep everything bottled up inside. Discipline your son fairly and consistently. He needs unwavering guidelines so his life is predictable, not erratic. Imagine the chaos if we were forced to drive on highways absent of median lines, speed limits, traffic lights and stop signs. Children navigate through life confidently when given a predictable code of conduct, but apprehensively under chaotic rules.

Lastly, read the article "Teen low self-esteem may have life-long consequences".

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as School Psychologist for Fremont City Schools and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions about parenting, family, educational, or personal concerns? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-17) "TERRIBLE TWO'S" CAN BE TERRIBLE, IN DEED!

2011-02-04T10:36:00.010-05:00

Dear Mr. Morton- My son has reached age two and his body certainly must have been taken over by another person. He’s into everything and taking him to the store is a real chore. Are the terrible two’s for real? Do many two-year-olds say “No!” all the time? Is this just a stage? - Frustrated but Loving Mom.

Dear Mom- Many experts agree that it is a needed stage to go through. Your humor will get you through this transitory stage in child development. I’ve known two-year-olds who don’t say “No!” to their parents- they announce “No Way!” In a sense, it is a needed stage your son must go through.

Here’s why. The force of gravity, which heretofore confined his world to your lap and the carpet, has been conquered. Now, he is driven to explore the world to the utmost. Establishing independence over the physical world and examining the untarnished confines of your brain centers that control composure, sacrifice, temper control and fortitude are his next unexplored frontiers.

Don’t give in to his every whim, or anarchy will result. Unfortunately, a sizable number of parents instantly bow to their “two’s” every impulse. My last “two’s” study took place at the local supermarket where I witnessed a tiny hand snatch a candy bar from the rack, while mom was in the checkout line. As the feast began, mom said, “No! Wait until we get home.” But, her child’s response was “No! I want now!”. Mom acquiesced.

Of course, mom was under public scrutiny. Still delay of gratification wasn’t taught in that brief scrimmage for power. I propose that every retail store in Sandusky and Ottawa counties donate floor space and put up a sign which advertises, “Terrible Two’s Time-Out Zone”. The mental health of beleaguered moms and dads would upgrade instantaneously.
Your son needs you to set fair limits and construct fences, not to give free rein. Give him things a while later and not in a jiffy and be a very loving, devoted, benevolent…dictator.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about parenting, educational, family, or personal concerns? Have photos, personal stories, or article you'd like to share? Contact us at the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-16) VOLUNTEER AT YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL

2011-02-03T14:01:00.019-05:00

Dear Mr. Morton- Enjoyed last Thursday’s column about all the wonderful volunteers in our area. I want to volunteer at my child’s school, but I feel my child’s teacher may feel I’m intruding. What should I do?- Mother, Port Clinton, Ohio (Photo compliment of Berkely Public Schools)

Dear Mother- The schools won’t feel you’re meddling. They’re desperately in need of parental assistance. A few short years ago, 29 percent of America’s parents never set foot in their children’s classroom, even for parent-teacher conferences. There are many needs you could fill in your child’s budget-crunched school: working one-on-one with a special needs child; reading stories to an entire class; aiding in the library, cafeteria or on the playground; chaperoning field trips; helping teachers with mounds of paper work; or planning for holiday parties.

Contact the building principal after the kids are dismissed for the day and find out the school’s needs you could fill. When you start helping out in your child’s school- not necessarily in his classroom- prove yourself. Be on time, for time and space are luxury items in the schools. And, gain trust- don’t criticize a teacher’s methods or a school program. Learn the complexities involved in the school operations before offering constructive suggestions privately with the teacher(s) or principal.

The benefits you reap from school volunteer work should end your trepidation about entering the classroom. In the last 28 years, every major study has concluded that parental involvement has more influence on a child’s success in school than the quality of the teachers or the school itself.

Any kind of school involvement you give matters, for your visibility verifies a very important part of your child’s world. It personalizes the roughly 10,237 hours he will spend attending elementary school.

Schools need volunteers! Some give their volunteer staff a team name and matching T-shirts and badges. It gives volunteers a sense of purpose and the increased visibility makes it easier to recruit more.

I must mention the Alachua County, Florida School's Volunteer Program. Last year all of the county schools received the Florida Department of Education’s Golden School Award for outstanding volunteer participation. During 2009-2010, more than 21,000 volunteers provided over 702,000 hours of service to our schools. This represents approximately $14.6 million worth of donated services. For those school district administrators and teachers desiring an excellent resource to emulate, view the Alachua County's School Volunteer Handbook 2010-2011.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as School Psychologist and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions about family, parenting, educational, or personal concerns? Have a photo, article, personal story to share? Contact us at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Visit his national Family Journal column.

QUESTIONS? COMMENTS? CONTACT US (secured Bpath Mail Form)

2011-01-21T16:56:00.002-05:00

(A-15) "BABY STEPS" APPROACH BEST TO CHANGE BAD HABITS

2011-01-21T13:49:00.017-05:00

Note: Scroll down the right margin to CODE "(A-15) BAD HABITS" for free videos and free articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- I’ve got lots of bad habits, including a negative attitude. I’ve been to a psychologist so please don’t mention change occurs in “baby steps”. How can I change? - Defeated, Bay Village. (Photo from Hive Health Media)

Dear Defeated- Sorry, but no self-respecting psychologist, counselor, pastor, rabbi, or advisor can avoid the term “baby steps” when discussing how one can change bad habits. It’s a drawn-out, difficult process. So, change one harmful habit at a time- work on it diligently before focusing on the next one. Multi-tasking doesn’t work in this business!

A powerful strategy to employ against bad habits is to first resolve what you want to become... to accomplish in life. Then, list all the good habits which are crucial for you to reach your dreams. Next, begin to undermine entrenched bad habits by deliberately attending to how good, but underutilized habits will empower you to succeed. The only difference between losers and winners is the differences in their heads.

It takes constant effort to eventually integrate good habits into your daily routine. You may be a slave to bad habits today, but you have the power to change, to become a ruler over good habits tomorrow. But, you must proceed in “baby steps”- initially set short, easily reachable goals and focus on replacing one bad habit at a time. While harmful behaviors become habitual almost immediately, admirable one’s worth the effort take at least a month or more of daily practice before they become routine.

Strange how good habits erode swiftly and catch hold sluggishly; inversely true for bad ones. But, if you candidly imagine the person you’d like to become and list the good habits you need to get there, you’ll no longer conceal (from yourself) how your current bad habits are imprisoning your future.

Lastly, read "Good Habits Can Be As Addictive As Bad Ones"

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjuct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions, comments, or concerns about family, parenting, educational, or personal concerns? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Visit the national Family Journal column.

(A-14) SOME "FRIENDSHIPS" SHOULD BE TERMINATED

2011-01-18T11:43:00.018-05:00

Note: Scroll down right margin to CODE "(A- SOCIOPATH)" for free articles and free videos on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- A person who acts very kindly toward me has become my friend and I wish I never met her. She gossips and lies, is very manipulative (of me), and has been divorced multiple times to men who appeared pleasant and nice. Last time I’ve witnessed her beat her dog with a poker when it misbehaved. I also found out that she was a high school delinquent. Have I made friends with a psychopath? Should I dump her as a friend? - Concerned, Sandusky County. (Photo from "The Sociopath in the Corner Office" by Janet Mason)

Dear Concerned- A few counselors I know use the terms psychopath and sociopath interchangeably. Psychopathy was identified decades ago by psychiatrist Hervey Cleckley and I wouldn’t want to have one as a friend. They come across charming and make good first impressions, but inside are self-centered, dishonest, undependable, and engage in irresponsible behavior for no reason other than for the fun of it.

Personally, I feel they can accomplish this Jekyll and Hyde act because they are “bystanders” in society. They internally lack remorse, empathy, and can’t love anyone. Thus, they learn to observe others laugh, cry, grow angry or show sadness, shame or guilt in various situations…then emulate these feelings that they never experienced.

Your friend isn’t a Charles Manson, Susan Smith (1994-killed two sons), Jeffrey Dahmer, John Wayne Gacy, Marybeth Tinning (1987- killed 9 of her children), Ted Bundy, Cathy Wood and Gwendolyn Graham (1980’s- both killed 5 elderly women) or David Berkowitz. Fortunately, most of the 2 million psychopaths in the U.S. aren’t murderers. In fact, I’d wager most reading this article have met a sociopath or two- they just never realized it. They can be a parent, friend, neighbor, co-worker or cousin, or business associate.

Dr. Stout says that as many as 4% of the population are conscienceless sociopaths who have no empathy or affectionate feelings for humans or animals. As Stout (The Myth of Sanity) explains, a sociopath is defined as someone who displays at least three of seven distinguishing characteristics, such as deceitfulness, impulsivity and a lack of remorse.

Such people often have a superficial charm, which they exercise ruthlessly in order to get what they want. Stout argues that the development of sociopathy is due half to genetics and half to nongenetic influences that have not been clearly identified. I recommend reading her book, "The Sociopath Next Door" (below). She gives three examples of such people, including Skip, the handsome, brilliant, superrich boy who enjoyed stabbing bullfrogs near his family's summer home, and Doreen, who lied about her credentials to get work at a psychiatric institute, manipulated her colleagues and, most cruelly, a patient.

Finally, we’re all guilty of telling “little white lies” for fear of offending others. Your “friend” manipulates and lies consistently, coolly and easily to get what she wants.

Psycho/sociopath, personality disorder…whatever…you may be considered a target or opportunity to her, not a friend. I’d end the “friendship”.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions? Comments? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Visit his national Family Journal column.

(A-13) IS YOUR TEEN A BINGE DRINKER?

2011-01-12T19:38:00.013-05:00

Note: Go to right margin and find CODE "(A-13) TEEN BINGE DRINKING" for free videos and article on this topic. ~

Dear Mr. Morton- Are there any tests to determine if our son, age 16, is drinking too much? - Anonymous, Oak Harbor.

Dear Anonymous- I’m sure many parents like you have the same concern. Studies show that 8 percent of 8th graders, 16 percent of sophomores, and nearly ¼ of seniors drink 5+ drinks (binge drink) on the same occasion. About 5,000 youth under 21 die every year from car crashes, homicides, and suicides due to underage drinking (US Surgeon General report). Alcohol directly relates to 1,900 teen deaths from car crashes and 300 suicides each year.

I recommend the “Who Me?” interview (John Hopkins) for parents to use with teens and college students. I modified it to interview teens in my school psychology work. It’s straightforward and opens the door for subsequent discussion:

Ever gotten into trouble at school or work because of alcohol?

Ever been in trouble with the police because of alcohol?

Do you drink to feel more relaxed around others?

Do you drink to forget your worries?

Do you drink to relax when you feel tense and nervous?

Do you sometimes get drunk when you didn’t really intend to?

Do you ever drink or before going to a party?

Ever had a drink in the morning?

Do you ever worry about your use of alcohol?

Ever gotten into an argument or fight when drinking?

Ever had times you cannot remember what happened while you were drinking?

Ever felt guilty or “bummed out” after drinking?

Ever turn to an inferior environment since using alcohol?

Are you sometimes overwhelmed with feelings of loneliness or despair?

Ever promised yourself that you would cut down on the use of alcohol and failed to keep that promise?

“Yes” to any five questions: Definitely an alcoholic problem. Get help for your teen, now!
“Yes” to four questions: Strong probability usage is causing problems in your child’s life.

Further Reading: Become more knowledgeable about teenage binge drinking. Also, easy to use alcohol testing kits:

Lastly, visit the Family Journal article “VI. Alcohol Abuse Research and Self-Assessment Of Your Relationship With Alcohol”.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of school psychologist and aqdjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University, in Ohio. Questions about family, parenting, educational, or personal issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Visit the national Family Journal column.

(A-12) JOB PROMOTIONS ELUDE MANY ADULT PROBLEM READERS

2010-12-21T12:11:00.019-05:00

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America has a growing problem with the growing number of adults who are non readers or problem readers. According to a study by the National Assessment of Adult Literacy, 30 million adults living in the U.S. were not able to read and write well enough to complete basic tasks like filling out job applications [U.S. Department of Education Institute of Educational Progress]. People who learned to read early and easily find it hard to imagine what life would be like without being able to read and write.

Adult problem readers have difficulty becoming productive workers and I've always recommended to them that they tape record important workplace documents and read them while playing the tapes. Many experts espouse using formal reading instruction, with phonics. I disagree. Why? Because many adults with reading problems have passed up job promotions due to their reading handicaps. By the way, there are plenty of high IQ people suffering from bona fide auditory and/or visual dyslexia; they're like Jessee Owens with a broken leg. In the workplace, they need to read and understand key information and critical words for survival...to get ahead, without delay! "Reading by immersion" in a technique to accomplish this. They can immerse themselves immediately into the reading process directly by putting into service the technical manuals they need in order to survive in the workplace. We all learned to talk by being immersed in language. We began talking with no formal instruction; our parents never dissected spoken sentences into subtle sound elements, called phonemes (phonics) for us.

Similarly, working adult problem readers can learn to read in the same manner through which they learned how to talk. After all, isn't written language just talk written down?

NONREADERS IN THE WORKPLACE- OUR 4 PICKS!

Instead of avoiding the reading process due to built up fear from past failures in formal reading instruction, problem readers can plunge into printed material just like they were submerged and baptized into spoken language as non-talking infants. Adult problem readers can become more productive workers in the office or shop; their confidence will increase as they discover they can single-handily read each essential document that they would understand if someone read it to them.

By tape recording documents verbatim and then printing especially troublesome words onto flashcards, non readers can identify words as fast as needed to make the reading and comprehension of essential workplace information as smooth as possible.

A Herculean effort? Yes, but any job upgrading becomes distinguished and outstanding... when greatly pursued.

Related post: Juggling work and life

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-11) TEEN LOW SELF-ESTEEM MAY HAVE LIFE-LONG CONSEQUENCES

2010-12-17T13:39:00.014-05:00

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Dear Mr. Morton- Our teen daughter lacks confidence and we don’t understand why. She’s an “A” student and our home is warm and loving. She act submissive and allows her friends to make decisions for her. She’s very quiet in school , is very pretty but doesn’t date. She tells us that she feels dumb and can’t do anything but get good grades. This has been going on for three years. How can we boost her confidence and self-esteem? - Confused. (photo from theteendoc.com site, an excellent resource for parents. Click HERE to learn about teen image distortions at their site.)

Dear Confused- Your daughter’s self-esteem results from her own personal judgment of her self-worth. Her overall negative appraisal of her capabilities reflects how she interprets the successes and failures throughout many areas of her life. Earning good grades and being physically attractive are only two areas.

Because a healthy self-esteem is not a one-dimensional entity and is influenced by many factors, try talking and listening other concerns more, even if some may seem trivial to you. Perhaps you’ll uncover that her expectations are set so high that she leaves herself vulnerable to feelings of inadequacy. A “B+” grade may not be a successful event in her eyes or perhaps she feels unable to socially fit in with others as well as her friends do, despite her physical attractiveness. She may make generalizations from these events that she is “dumb” socially or that she should be doing even better academically.

Unfortunately, a recent poll found that 70 percent of teen girls feel they don’t measure up in some way, including their looks, performance in school and relationships with friends and family members.

If she continues to remain inhibited and to show self-doubt about her capabilities, nothing good will result, for we all become what we think about. So, professional counseling is highly recommended if it persists.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of school psychologist and aqdjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University, in Ohio. Questions about family, parenting, educational, or personal issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Visit the national Family Journal column.

(A-10) BIBLIOTHERAPY HELPS CHILDREN COPE

2010-12-12T15:32:00.018-05:00

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Dear Mr. Morton- Our daughter, age 9, is grieving because our long-suffering family dog will have to be put to sleep. The dog has been her faithful friend, sleeping companion, and hiking buddy for years. Do you know of any books on the topic of family pets dying? I might have to read one myself! - Heartbroken, Fremont.

Dear Heartbroken- Contact the Children’s Services department at Birchard Public Library, in Fremont. Years ago, Melinda Bay headed the dept. and sent me a bibliography compiled by their staff. It listed books geared toward young adults and children, which dealt with stressful events. Brief annotations with a synopsis of the crisis are provided to identify the sex, age, and problem of the protagonist.

They also have the reference book, “Books to Help Children Cope With Separation and Loss”, fourth edition. Melinda Baty mentioned this book is much broader than the title indicates.

The Children’s Services department at Birchard Public Library contains many inspirational stories which offer positive choices for young people to make when coping with life’s stressful events, including: adoption, anorexia nervosa, child abuse, death of a family member or friend, divorce, drug abuse, emotional problems, homelessness, parent in prison, poverty, prejudice/race relations, single parent family, suicide, teen mothers, etc.

Hopefully, you’ll locate a relevant novel. “Jasper's Day,” by Marjorie Blain Parker, is a picture book about a beloved dying dog's special day before he is "euthanized" by the vet. A little boy's love for his dog and the whole family's sadness comes out as they say goodbye by giving Jasper a last day filled with his favorite activities.

Mark Twain often remarked on how attached we become to our canine friends because of their unwavering loyalty. He once said, Heaven goes by favor and unfair preference. If it went by merit, we would stay out and our dogs would all go in.”

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions, comments, or concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Also, visit his national Family Journal column.

(A-9) UNDIAGNOSED ADULT ADHD LEADS TO FRUSTRATION

2010-12-10T20:54:00.017-05:00

Note: In the right margin are free videos and daily-updated newspaper/journal articles under CODE "(A-9) ADULT ADHD"

Dear Mr. Morton- My son has been diagnosed with ADHD and many of his symptoms resemble mine. Ever since I can remember, I’ve been impulsive, distractible (can’t focus long enough to read a short magazine article) and restless. Can anything be done for ADHD adults? - Frustrated. (photo Itechtalk.com blog)

Dear Frustrated- Since 30 to 50 percent of ADHD children grow into ADHD adults, I suggest obtaining a thorough diagnosis if these manifestations have, historically, complicated your life. A 10-year follow-up study of boys with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) finds that the disorder persisted into their early adult years in 3 out of 4 of the subjects, leaving them vulnerable to poor psychiatric outcomes and life prospects (Joseph Biederman, M.D., a professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School and Massachusetts General Hospital).

It’s tricky to diagnose between true and mistaken ADHD in adults; you must rule out other possible causes of your restlessness and impulsivity, such as an anxiety or mood disorder.

The diagnosis should include a meticulous life history, including developmental milestones, obtained by your personal accounts and by your personal accounts and by recollections from your parents, siblings, and relatives. Recently, Dr. Scott Greenaway, a licensed psychologist with the Atlanta Center for Cognitive Therapy (ACCT) stated that although no two people with ADHD have the exact same cluster of symptoms, difficulties with attention, impulsivity, disorganization, or hyperactivity characterize the disorder. ADHD can be classified by three types: Primarily Inattentive Type, Primarily Hyperactive Type, and Combined Type.

If sufficient evidence indicates your above-mentioned ADHD behaviors have occurred in various aspects of your life (home, school, neighborhood, and family get-togethers) since childhood, starting at or before age 7 (origin of ADHD in adulthood never happens), your chances for proper diagnosis and treatment will increase greatly.

Many intelligent and capable adults truly fit the ADHD profile. Their impulsive, distractible and restless manners make it fatiguing for them to perform certain tasks which others do with ease: finishing magazine articles; holding chats with people without regrettably saying the wrong thing at the wrong time; finishing detailed tasks; receiving job recognition and promotions; making good grades in school; and, not surprisingly, maintaining an adequate self-esteem.

It’s interesting your child has been diagnosed with ADHD, for an abnormally high proportion of the 5 million ADHD adults have similar-diagnosed children. Twin studies reveal a strong, genetic role.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about family, parenting, personal or educational issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form . To visit the national FAMILY JOURNAL column, click HERE.

(A-8) FREELANCE WRITING GOOD AT-HOME BUSINESS

2010-12-07T21:39:00.018-05:00

Note: In the right margin under CODE "A- FREELANCE WRITING" are free videos and newspaper/journal articles on this topic.

Hello Mr. Morton- Well, my kids fledged the nest and we're paying for their college educations. Expensive! My husband is working full time, but we still could some extra cash. I have much time on my hands and desire to write articles for newspapers and magazines, maybe even publish romance novels some day. I fear failure and procrastinate too much, so I need to develop good writing habits. Any tips on learning how to make it in this highly competitive field?- Writer Wannabe
(Photo- Judy Ann Davis of Clearfield, Pa. announces the release of her first novel, “Red Fox Woman,” with Black Rose Writing. The novel is classified as a mystery, western and historical romance)

Dear Writer Wannabe- Having a full-time, nice paying job elsewhere helps. I won't offer you a "cook book" approach or specific list of ingredients that may help your writing career. But, in general, you must cultivate perseverance and dependable writing habits. Begin by deciding what kind of writing you want to do, then detail all the good habits necessary to transform your writing dreams into reality in the type of genre you choose.

This soul-searching will put your writing integrity and commitment on the line, for your personal list of good writing habits will keep staring you in the face. These heretofore under-utilized behaviors will gradually seep into the daily writing routine you must acquire. Hopefully, all your rationalizations that nurture bad writing habits (fear of failure, avoidance, procrastination, denial, etc.) will eventually be undermined.

There are no short cuts to obtaining a long string of writing successes. I know a writer who had 3 novels published, only to have his next 4 proposals and 54 article submissions to national magazines rejected!

Writer John Steinbeck once commented, "Writing makes horse racing seem like a solid, stable business." It's a tough business and you must be able to brush off rejections... and keep writing.

To integrate good writing habits into a daily routine, proceed in "baby steps"- start short, easily reachable goals at first and focus on replacing one bad habit at a time. Years ago, I wrote articles and sent them to newspapers free-of-charge, just to accumulate some "tear sheets", which I sent to editors to eventually help sell my writings. If you candidly imagine the writer you'd like to become and list the good habits needed to get there, you'll no longer conceal (from yourself) how your current bad habits are imprisoning your writing career.

In today's down economy, home businesses are growing popular. Writing is one, for most newspapers and magazines accept email submissions.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about family, parenting, personal or educational issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form . To visit his national FAMILY JOURNAL column, click HERE.

(A-7) CHILDREN FEEL THE RECESSION, TOO

2010-12-05T16:40:00.032-05:00

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Dear Mr. Morton- I’m working two jobs, my husband’s laid off, the bills are piling up and our 3 young children are feeling the stress. How can we ease their worries?- Mother. (photo from singlemindedwomen.com)
Dear Mother- You’re not alone. People who now seek help from food banks were actual donors last year! Others who worked a steady forty hour week with overtime now are laid off or must survive on thirty-two hours…with no benefits. There are more children on free/reduced school lunches and increasing numbers of kids without health coverage.

Our uncertain economy and the financial strain it places on families is underestimated, and children are not immune to it. They sense the increased stress in their parents and hear and read about it in the news. The best time for you and your husband to discuss his job loss, your working double time, and the bill pile up isn’t during dinner. Discuss your financial difficulties quietly after the kids are asleep. Children need “predictableness” in times of family stress, so try and keep your discipline and expectations of them positive and consistent, and the household routine as unwavering as possible.

Keep an eye out for changes in your children’s behavior or emotions. When families undergo any number of extended struggles, children may develop sleep difficulties, headaches or stomachaches, even have unexplained fears or anxiety that may take the form of clinging behaviors.

If they have questions about the extra job you had to take on or why dad was laid off, answer their questions honestly and calmly in an age appropriate manner. Don’t hide the truth from them. Tell them the reasons why the family adjustments are necessary, for children’s fear of the unknown will frighten them more than the truth. If the tight family budget means they can’t get a puppy for Christmas, so be it. But, always reassure them that the family will be okay, which it most likely will be, for everything in life is cyclical and that goes for the financial markets, too.

Lastly, take care of yourself, too! Click HERE to learn more about stress and take a free self-assessment of your stress level in these hard economic times.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about family, parenting, personal or educational issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form . To visit the national FAMILY JOURNAL column, click HERE.

(A-6) "PRETTY POISONS" SHOULD WORRY PARENTS

2010-11-21T13:27:00.015-05:00

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Dear Mr. Morton- Last year you wrote a column about “pretty poisons” and how dangerous they were to preschool children. Please update that column. I will tape it to my refrigerator door as a reminder. - L.W.

Dear L.W. - Poison control centers receive over two million calls annually asking for help on how to treat possible poisonings. Fifty-three percent involve children under age 6, many at the toddler stage. Not surprising, 92 percent of all poisonings occur in the home. Unintentional poisonings from medicines and household chemicals kill over 30 children per year and the experts mention three very important steps parents can take:
1. Use child-resistant packaging because it saves lives;
2. keep medicines and household chemicals should be locked up out of reach and out of sight of young children because some children can open child-resistant packaging; and
3. place the poison control center number next to your telephone and call immediately if a poisoning occurs (1-800-222-1222).

Toddlers have an incomplete schema of the world. Ever since they overcame gravity and began to explore the household on foot, they began to get into trouble with "pretty poisons". To show how easily they may be unintentionally poison themselves, here’s some official cases from the Northern Ohio Poison Center: “mistaking a round, green can of Comet bleach for Parmesan cheese, vitamin or prescription drug pills for sweet candy, colorful and sweet-smelling liquid soap or lamp kerosene for pop, ammonia/rubbing alcohol for water, E-Lax Chocolate laxatives for Hershey’s Chocolate bars, colored lamp oil for cranberry juice, mothballs for mini-marshmallows, Pine-Sol for apple juice, windshield washer fluid for Blue Punch/Kool Aid”…the list is endless!

The video below is an excellent broadcast about how manufacturers want their "poisonous" products to look pretty on the store shelf. No more ungly, black skull & crossbones on the label anymore!

The consequences for toddlers ingesting such “pretty poisons” are serious since the poisons have a rapid effect due to the smaller body size and quicker metabolism rate. Perhaps, toddlers shouldn’t be told that medicine is candy or manufacturers shouldn’t make medicines taste so good.

It's amazing, but the top two states for mercury emissions are Texas and Ohio, respectively. Click HERE to read about this neuro-toxin which accounts for thousands of babies being born with neurological and brain disorders.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about family, parenting, personal or educational issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form . To visit the national FAMILY JOURNAL column, click HERE

(A-5) TOO MUCH TV HARMS CHILDREN

2010-11-15T20:00:00.030-05:00

Dear Mr. Morton- My son Timmy, age 3, watches too much TV and wants all the stuff peddled in the ads. Is this bad?- Mom
Dear Mom- Yes. The experts tell us Timmy will be watching TV 45 minutes per day. In the early primary grades, his TV time will jump to 3 hours per day, and by 7th grade, he'll spend 4 hours a day in front of the tube.

Between the time he starts first grade to when he graduates from high school, he'll spend 16,000 hours viewing TV programs conjured up by only 400 Hollywood writers and producers. The flamboyant lifestyles this small Hollywood clan enjoys depend on money advertisers pay them, and they will fabricate shows for Timmy that are full of hype, designed to lure him away from other things he could be doing. Before high school graduation, Timmy will be an onlooker to 200,000 acts of violence, including 40,000 murders.

VISIT THE HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

TV advertisers view Timmy as a "Super Consumer." They know that he has no money, but that you do. Before he's 11 years old, he’ll view 20,000 TV commercials, many pressuring him to buy, or ask mom and dad, to buy a product. Advertisers know how to appeal to Timmy, since they hire child psychologists to tell them how children think. After age 11, the average American child sees about 40,000 television commercials every year. Companies target younger viewers all the time, selling everything from sugar cereals to minivans, and cross-promotional marketing influences everything from the food stocked in school vending machines to the characters who appear in children’s books.

In fact, young children are requesting specific brands as soon as they can talk. American corporations spend over $15 billion yearly on marketing to children in an effort to cultivate nagging, insatiable, “cradle-to-grave” consumers. The experts tell us that your Timmy will be a regular TV viewer before he enters Kindergarten in several years and that he will spend many more hours in school (7,400 hours before entering 7th grade) learning reading word attack, reading comprehension, math computation, math reasoning, and written expression skills. These skills won't be easy to learn and will take an active effort by Timmy to master. But, TV is a passive activity, a pastime that clashes with the alert action required to master the "3 R's."

So, my answer is “yes“ due to the long-term impact TV has on today’s toddlers and their future learning.

(A-4) PARENTS SHOULD WORRY ABOUT TOXIN MERCURY

2010-11-06T12:51:00.028-04:00

Should parents worry about the environmental mercury toxin? Researchers uncovered a strong connection between environmental toxins, particularly mercury, and children being born with a brain disorder. Unfortunately, a growing number of unbiased researchers believe they should be. A strong association was uncovered in the Lone Star state between mercury emissions, special education services, and autism rates. For each 1,000 lbs. of mercury release, a 43% increase in special education services and a 61% increase in autism rates were found. Examiners painstakingly obtained total amounts of released mercury in each Texas county from the EPA’s documentation of chemical releases by major industrial facilities. Autism and raw numbers of special education students were, literally, a function of pounds of mercury release. This is the first impartial study uncovering a connection between childhood developmental disorders and environmentally released mercury at the county level.

Researchers at the University of North Carolina recently doubled their estimate of the numbers of women of child-bearing age who have harmful blood mercury levels. Twenty-one percent of mom’s-to-be have levels that far exceed federal health standards. Unlike other toxins, our bodies don’t filter out mercury…it’s forever.

Unfortunatelly, EPA biochemist Mahaffey grew alarmed when she discovered that mercury readings from fetus umbilical cords were 70 percent higher than the concentrations measured in mother’s blood. So, if a pregnant woman’s mercury blood level is safe, she can still give birth to a baby with levels way over the limit! Since the Mahaffey findings, EPA scientists doubled their estimate of America’s newborns having unsafe levels of mercury to 630,000, up from 320,000.

An increasing number of America’s fetuses and newborns grow at risk for brain impairments by mercury exposure in the womb. It’s now estimated at 15%. One in six American women has enough mercury emissions residue in her body to risk having a child with brain damage, mental retardation, autism, blindness, seizures, and/or speech impediment.

And, my state of Ohio ranks second on the nation’s grimy roster of mercury polluters…behind first place Texas.

(A-3) SHOULD HIGH SCHOOLS HAVE LATER STARTING TIMES?

2010-10-28T14:37:00.018-04:00

Dear Morton- Our teen doesn’t get enough sleep due to an after-school job. By Friday, he seems very tired but still makes good grades. Can teens handle a schedule like this where they don’t get enough sleep?- Mother

Dear Mother- The question is, should they? Adolescent sleep deprivation research has shown the problem causes teen memory and information-processing deficits, irritability, decreased creativity and diminished ability to handle complex tasks.

Adolescents need more, not less sleep. Teens need nine hours sleep per night to avoid behaviors associated with sleep deprivation. Risks associated with this teen problem include mood and behavior problems, increased potential for drug and alcohol use, and vulnerability for accidents. In fact, National Sleep Foundation researchers found that the majority of fall-asleep driving accidents are caused by young people.

The researchers also found that 20 percent of all high school students fall asleep in school (Maas, 1995) and that the symptoms of sleep deprivation are worse in earlier starting schools (Allen, 1991). A Minnesota study of 7,000 teenagers revealed that students in schools that switched starting time to 8:40 a.m. from 7:15 were less sleepy during the day, earned slightly higher grades and had fewer depressive feelings and behaviors.

Additional weekend sleep to compensate for sleep lost during the weekdays does not ameliorate the negative effects. Not surprising, students who lack sufficient sleep have poorer grades. As I read through the research, I wondered how much of the teen “illnesses” confronted by school nurses and behavioral problems dealt with by parents, assistant principals, counselors, and the courts could be avoided if teens got adequate sleep.

The natural order dictates that the teenage circadian rhythm be arranged differently- their biological clock signals them to both fall asleep and wake up later. The brain hormone melatonin is produced later at night than it is for kids and adults, thus making it difficult for teens to fall asleep earlier.

See also:
TEENS WORKING AFTER SCHOOL: GOOD OR BAD IDEA?

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-2) DEVELOPMENTALLY DELAYED CHILDREN NEED POSITIVE PARENTS

2010-10-16T22:17:00.016-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- We have two elementary school boys. The oldest is shy and not as bright in school and life as the youngest, who is a social butterfly and gets all “A’s” in school. We wonder how much nature (genes) vs. nurture (upbringing) resulted in the difference between the two. We are both professionals with graduate degrees. Any thoughts?- Parents (photo Discovermagazine.com)
Dear Parents- Right now, you are the most important person in your older child’s life, especially if he has some apparent developmental delays. You are the strongest influence in his young life and feelings of helplessness and self-doubt can be either toned down or exacerbated by you. Every waking hour, he learns much about himself- from you. The day he arrived home from the hospital as a helpless infant, you were the “reliever” when he cried from hunger, the “consoler” when he cried from fear in the dark of night, “soother” when his pants were soiled, and official “kisser of ouches” when needed.

Now that he’s older and is meeting unfamiliar people outside the family unit (teachers and classmates) it is important that you focus on what he can do, not on what he can’t; his assets, not his liabilities; and what he is, not what he isn’t- even if his strengths differ from the family expectations.

The home atmosphere must remain encouraging and supportive for children with developmental delays. If you remain inflexible and expect him to “fit the family mold”, he will grow discouraged and frustrated at home and in society, especially with a younger sibling outshining him socially and academically. He will carry these negative voices of childhood well into adulthood.

In short, your actions now will determine his lifetime sense of well-being. I’ve always marveled at how parents of children with developmental delays discover how to look at the positives in life. Isn’t it true for all kids? Write down you son’s positive qualities and begin reinforcing them…today!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about family, parenting, personal or educational issues? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form at the top of this site. To visit the national FAMILY JOURNAL column, click HERE.

(A-1) POWERFUL DADS READ BEDTIME STORIES & KISS "OUCHIES"

2010-10-12T16:13:00.015-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- We have two preschoolers. My wife began working full-time, out of necessity, and I share parenting chores and enjoy the involvement in my children’s lives much more than before. I want to become more effective in this new parenting role, but I’ve grown up learning fathers are to be major bread winners and minor nurturers of children. How can I handle this conflict?- Name Withheld.

Dear Name Withheld- Begin by realizing you’re not alone with these mixed feelings. Over 70 percent of moms with a child over age 1 work and the number of fathers striving to help their working wives more on the home front is swelling. Powerful dads, like yourself, are not satisfied in playing minor roles in child rearing; they find themselves staying in, not retreating from, the nursery and playrooms.

Powerful dads discover that being in the delivery room, changing diapers, attending parenting classes, reading bedtime stories, bathing cuddling, feeding and burping their babes, and even kissing “ouchies” deepens the relationship…without minimizing their macho.

You seem to feel isolated in this conflict, so seek out other powerful dads; you may learn much from these potential confidants. Join a parenting group which has other fathers attending (Hint: beforehand, ask the group facilitator how many dads have signed up).

Further sharpen and gain confidence in your inherent fathering skills like you would your golf swing by reading magazines and books about fathering. Here’s three excellent books written by fathers like you: “She Calls Me Daddy” by Robert D. Wolgemuth, “Daddy’s Home!” by Stephen Schnur and “The Five Key Habits of Smart Dads” by Paul Lewis. Another great resource is “The Complete Smart Dad’s Tool Kit”, which offers audio cassettes and games for dads and kids to play, pocket guides for dads to teach kids values and morals, etc. Call 1-800-ALL-DADS.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions or comments about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Have photos or personal stories you'd like to share? Contact us on our secure Bpath Mail Form.

(Z) PERFECTIONISTIC PARENTING DOES MORE HARM THAN GOOD

2010-10-10T12:00:00.012-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- I am a perfectionist and put much pressure to achieve on my son, age 10. This school year he’s bringing home “B” and “C’s”, which I can’t accept. How can I keep him achieve without putting too much stress on him?- S.L.

Dear S.L.- When parental expectations are too high or too perfectionist, children easily grow anxious and hypersensitive to criticism. I’ve witnessed students try to get even with overly-demanding parents by committing “academic suicide” or by purposefully underachieving. Others develop poor self-esteems and relinquish their natural zest for trying in school…and life.

If your son feels he cannot consistently be good enough to please you, he may eventually throw in the towel or learn to give only minimal effort in school and in life. And why not? If effort doesn’t earn your appreciation, he’ll rationally conclude the less effort, the less to lose emotionally.

Here’s some thoughts. Realign your own ideas about perfectionism and humor yourself…even laugh at yourself and your mistakes. Remember, people only approach perfection when they fill out their income tax or job interview forms.

Like Hank Aaron and Babe Ruth, focus intensely on process, minimally on product. How? Appreciate and encourage your son’s daily efforts and improvements (process) and less on making all “A’s” in school (product). In this manner, your son will feel your appreciation for his daily efforts and improvements, regardless of the outcomes. Everything else will follow, for he’ll learn the true meaning of “winning” and that no one is a loser until they give up and people who don’t make mistakes are the ones who usually don’t make anything at all. Is that why Aaron and Ruth struck out at the plate many more times than they hit home runs?

Psychoanalyst H. David Stein, M.D., (NYC) feels that perfectionist parents do their children more harm than good. He stated, “Kids feel that their parents are dissatisfied with them, even if it’s not stated. They pick up on subtle cues.”

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions or comments? Click HERE to contact him at our secure Bpath Mail Form

(Y) CHILDREN NEED UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

2010-10-08T09:07:00.010-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- What’s your philosophy on today’s children? Just Curious, Port Clinton

Dear Just Curious- Maybe by comparing the similar needs of children everywhere through history may provide an answer. I’ve always thought children need unconditional love, a love that doesn’t depend upon making the Honor Roll or winning a football game. Just a love because they are our children. Parents must practice the “separate the deed from the doer”. If their teen daughter is taking drugs, they can still give them unconditional love by saying, “Honey, I love your basic substance, but I can literally spit on your drug behavior and out of my love for you, I will not tolerate it. So, here’s what I’m going to do.”

Children begin their world by loving their parents, then judge and question them as they grow older. Great child psychologists like Haim Ginott and Jean Piaget used to compare them to blank sheets of paper ready to be written on. They’re like wet cement, whatever falls on them makes an impression. They may be raptured by a tiny, green worm inching its way across the sidewalk than a brand new $600 swing set assembled in the backyard. When children leave the nest, they’ll remember not the material things we give them, but the feeling that they were cherished.

To me, the innocence of small children are nearest to some omnipotent divinity, just like small planets are nearest the sun. Their candidness and honesty is yet restrained by social taboos. Years ago, I had difficulty evaluating a preschool girl for early entrance. She remained pokerfaced as the evaluation began, so I stopped the testing to establish rapport. When I asked her if she had any questions, her brown eyes grew wide and she asked, “Why are you so fat and what’s that fur under your nose? My daddy’s skinny and he shaves his fur off.” Once I explained about overeating and that it’s OK for men to grow mustaches, she became communicative and performed quite well on the evaluation, although she curiously gawked at my “fur“ for an hour straight.

I’d say most of the truth-telling in the world is done by children. For parents, children may or may not be a blessing. We have our share of mistreated children, but, to create children and then fail them as a parent is pure damnation. I genuinely detest the Morey Popovich show, which belittles unborn children by relying on DNA testing to determine who the father is. I always say, there’s no illegitimate children, only illegitimate parents.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions or comments about parenting, educational, family or personal concerns? Click HERE to contact him at our secure Bpath Mail Form.

(X) GOOD HABITS CAN BECOME AS ADDICTIVE AS BAD ONES

2010-10-02T16:23:00.012-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- My husband has many of bad habits that his “friends“ perpetuate. How can I get him to break them. Loving Wife

Dear Loving Wife- It takes about 21 days to change bad habits and to replace them with new ones. Bad habits don’t make his friends “bad” people. Just be thankful he doesn’t hang with Robert Downey Junior (multiple arrests), Charlie Sheen (threatening wife with knife), Snoop Dogg (illegal gun & drug possession), Mickey Rourke (DUI charge on a scooter), Rip Torn (crashed into truck while drunk), Nick Nolte (DUI plus traces of GHB rape drug in his system), ZaZa Gabor (driving with open liquor container & slapping a cop), Gary Coleman (domestic assault), and Lindsay Lohan for DUI while driving her new Mercedes on Sunset Blvd.

For the rest of us who don’t make $35 million for starring in one movie, we readily drop costly bad habits, like accumulating DUI‘s. We might be more frustrated with nail biting, smoking, borrowing money, procrastinating, overeating, compulsive shopping, nose picking, or cracking our knuckles. Habit formation brings about peculiar events in our lives - good habits are easier to give up than bad ones, bad habits are easier to form than good ones, but good habits can become as addictive and as hard to break as bad ones.

I learned this when counseling a woman hooked on cocaine. That was six years ago, and she’s still emancipated from the drug’s social, economic, and career- demolishing consequences. The addiction was easy for her to develop and extremely difficult for her to give up. However, her cocaine addiction was replaced by living a life unshackled- a steady job, a new set of drug-free friends, volunteer work in a drug clinic, and a reestablished relationship with her children.

Yes, good habits can be as addictive and hard to break as bad ones. A herd of wild horses couldn’t drag her back into the world of cocaine. If your husband desires, he too can replace his bad habits with good ones.

NOTE: In the right margin search for code "X BAD HABITS" for videos and newspaper, journal articles to learn more on this topic.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions or comments? Contact him at the Bpath Mail Form at the top of the site. Also, visit his national Family Journal column.

(W) VIOLENCE-PRONE CHILDREN GROWING PROBLEM

2010-09-04T12:20:00.009-04:00

VISIT OUR HUGE LIBRARY ABOUT VIOLENCE-PRONE CHILDREN: click HERE

Dear Mr. Morton- We’re concerned about our son’s friend. He’s aggressive and enjoys hurting and teasing others. We fear he may show violence. Any ideas? - Parents.

Dear Parents- Here’s 23 signs of potential violence in children and teens. All children will, at one time or another, exhibit some of these behaviors without resorting to violence. But, the more of these behaviors your child’s friend exhibits, the more likely he is to commit a violent act:
a. makes verbal or written threats of violence;
b. has shown past violent/aggressive behavior: angry outbursts, etc.;
c. has access to guns, knives, or any dangerous weapons;
d. has brought a weapon to school;
e. has made past suicide attempts or threats. Note: If you have a gun in your home, lock it up! (Are there unlocked guns in his house?);
f. a family history of violent behavior or suicide attempts exists;
g. projects blame on others or doesn’t accept responsibility for his actions;
h. has recently experienced a loss or rejection, or some type of shame;
i. bullies or intimidates others;
j. is a victim of physical, sexual, or emotional abuse;
k. witnesses abuse or violence in the home;
l. talks, writes, reads material or draws with themes of death or depression;
m. is engrossed in TV shows, movies, music, magazines, comics, books, video games or internet sites that show acts of violence;
n. has a diagnosed illness such as depression, mania, psychosis or bipolar disorder;
o. uses alcohol or illegal drugs; (Continues below carousel)

p. gets into disciplinary problems at school or in the community;
q. has destroyed property or vandalized;
r. has shown cruelty to animals;
s. has shown fire setting behaviors;
t. shows poor peer relations or is socially isolated;
u. is involved in cults or gangs;
v. has little or no supervision from parents or other caring adults.
w. believes he deserves whatever he wants at whatever or whoever’s expense.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Like to share photos, personal stories or articles on this site? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form.

click HERE to go to the largest library of books and resources about violence-prone children you'll find anywhere!

(V) FREE TOP-QUALITY PRESCHOOL EDUCATIONAL ONLINE SITES AT NO CHARGE

2010-08-18T12:01:00.012-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- Any good computer game and educational sites for our preschool boy that are free of charge? - Parents

Dear Parents- There are wonderful free online sites for preschoolers where inappropriate content is filtered out. A fun one that has a maze game with 100 levels. A ladybug has to find her home and your preschool son guides her to it-
www.learn4good.com/games/kids/ladybugs.htm

Zoodles is an online education service for preschoolers. The games are fun and educational, approved by Stanford University educational experts, and encompass national and state educational standards. You can tailor-make each game to suit your son’s experience and regular progress reports keep you updated on his activities. The free account has no fees and if you like you can enhance your account with paid features for next to nothing ($7.95/mo.) http://www.zoodles.com/

Kaboose is totally free and teaches thinking skills- http://funschool.kaboose.com/

Preschool Learning Online offers free downloadable games that are educational and high-quality. All you do is register and take a survey to have full access. http://preschoollearningonline.com/

For toddlers to preschool and 1st grade:
http://www.infostuff.com/kids/a.htm - teaches abc's

http://www.abc.net.au/countusin/default.htm - for basic number concepts

http://giraffian.com/kids/alphabet/ - for the alphabet

http://www.fisher-price.com/us/fun/games/phonics/default.asp - for ingenious preschool phonics learning games.

http://www.lettertv.net/pages/brickwall.htm - to see letters and hear the sound and see pictures of upper and lower case letters with coloring pages and songs.

http://www.storyplace.org/storyplace.asp - for great interactive digital sound videos

http://www.funbrain.com/brain/MathBrain/MathBrain.html - that offers a neat math arcade to choose activities from.

http://www.funbrain.com/math/index.html - for an excellent math baseball with different levels and skills to play. You’re at bat and can score a run or an out!

Here’s a Best-Kept secret! Go to the American Library Service for Children (ALSC) site at http://www.ala.org/ala/mgrps/divs/alsc/index.cfm then click on “Great Websites For Kids” in the left margin.

PBS Kids is also totally free! http://pbskids.org/

Remember, because learning proceeds from the "known" to the "unknown", don’t advance your child to the next level until the current one is mastered. Be there with him/her to play the math, spelling and phonics games to answer any questions he may ask. Keep it fun and go at your child's pace. Go in baby steps!!

(U) OLDER FIRST TIME FATHERS HAVE AN ADVANTAGE

2010-08-16T21:48:00.010-04:00

In my separate interviews with several first-time fathers over 40, three factors emerged which seemed important to their readiness for becoming older dads: occupational and financial security; a clear understanding and adaptation to today's diverse fatherhood roles, despite lingering assumptions that being major breadwinner and minor nurturer is the definitive act of mature manhood; and a strong drive for a sense of closure to their childless period of life, by leaving a breathing part of themselves behind.

Because these factors were secured, these older first-time fathers were happy and felt their children had changed their lives for the better. Many fathers their age find new experiences hard to find because their earlier-set life goals have already been conquered and their children have fledged the nest; these older, first-time fathers, however, talk of new aspirations and horizons to explore.

Bill Brown, 52 years old, is a guidance counselor for the Fremont City Schools(Ohio). I happened to call him for the interview while his wife Nancy, a clinical dietitian, was working at Fremont Memorial Hospital. His first words were, "Great time for the interview, my kids are taking a nap!"

From his perspective as a counselor well-versed in child development theory, Brown related how his two boys, Wesley and Matthew, ages six and four, respectively, have transformed his life.

"For years I've read about developmental events, and now I see them coming true with my own flesh and blood." Brown added, "All my readings in child development are coming true, from dry textbook pages to real-life unfoldings."

Similarly, 56 year-old Gene Morton, a biologist and ornithologist for the Smithsonian Institution, related how his child, five month old Douglas, has added a new dimension to his life. His wife, Bridgett, is a biology-ecology professor at York University in Toronto, Canada.

"To have and raise a baby, to play with and teach him. It's a great new experience for me--a first time experience. At my age, there's not many of those left."

Both Brown and Morton understand the diverse roles dads play today in child-rearing and consider themselves nurturers as well as breadwinners. They realize fathers are not social accidents, and believe they're more similar to than different from their wives in responding to the needs of their children. They are not satisfied in playing minor roles in child-rearing and find themselves staying in, not retreating from, the nursery and playroom.

Interesting Video about older dads!!!

(T) NEGATIVE THOUGHTS- REBEL AGAINST THEM!

2010-08-13T16:28:00.007-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- I’m a husband and father of two boys. Due to a bad upbringing, I’ve always had trouble feeling good about myself. Opportunities seem to pass me by. How can I make things improve?- S.L.

Dear S.L.- We become what we think about. What we achieve and don’t achieve are directly related to our personal thoughts. If you diligently work on changing your negative thoughts into positive ones, you will eventually become a different person.

Why? Because humans have the ability for creative imagination- it’s holed up within many of us, but is suppressed by passive TV viewing and by a civilization which carries out vital functions for us and bestows bounties upon us…with little mental sweat required. A study of the 400 most prominent people of the 20th century, like Thomas Edison, Helen Keller and Eleanor Roosevelt, unveils how crucial our thoughts are in determining our fate. Three-fourths of those dignitaries utilized creative thinking to overcome personal tragedies, terrible frustrations and debilitating handicaps to achieve their victories.

You can overcome your childhood traumas and the resultant mental baggage you still carry around. Try writing down your personal thoughts- what you’d like to achieve and contribute, your long-range goals and aspirations…paint a picture of your ideal life. Then, rephrase it, not as a wish list, but as if you’re already there, describing how it feels to have your dreams actualized. This is your first creation- in your mind.

Next, use creative imagination to make your goals begin to materialize in the real world (second creation). Set yourself up for success! Plan for frequent wins by breaking your long-range goals down into shorter, easily-reachable ones. These initial victories are actually mental coup d’états against your negative belief system that holds you back, a kind of cognitive rebellion.

Utilizing creative imagination will dissolve your past mistakes and enable you to create your own opportunities instead of waiting for them to knock…which they rarely do.

Here's some useful information for more help in ridding yourself of Negative Thoughts:

HealthyME

Saying "NO" to negative thinking

Negative thoughts cripple human spirit

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S., has retired from his positions of school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at BGSU. Contact him at the free and secure Bpath Mail Form at the top of the Family Journal site.

(S) HAPPY PEOPLE BECOME WHAT THEY THINK ABOUT

2010-08-11T16:23:00.014-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- Often you’ve mentioned “one becomes what he thinks about.” Come on! You can’t think your way back to good mental health?- Skeptic.

Dear Skeptic- A philosopher once said, “The easiest thing in life should be…to be happy.” Your skepticism may be a guard against your personal vulnerabilities, if your doubt is a reflex action that surfaced without investigating the field of Cognitive Psychology and its successes in many areas of human heartbreak. If you avow that “we don’t become what we think about” after studying mental processing and how people think, then I would look at your evidence and rephrase it beginning with “Perhaps one becomes….“. But, you provide no evidence.

Some skeptics see the handwriting on the wall but still claim it’s a forgery. I pity the clergy who run into disbelievers who never listen to them or investigate the church’s beliefs, but remain agnostic and would ask God for his ID card if he showed up. Everyday life demonstrates “we become what we think about.“ Ever notice how some people feel happy no matter how grave their circumstances? They don’t relive past hurts or dread future unknowns…they relish moment to moment living. Life is a series of present moments and they don’t permit negative thoughts from yesterday to ruin today.

They’ve learned that happiness is an “inside job” and flows from the inside-out. They know that If you chase after happiness you’ll never find it. They search inward and are as happy as they make their minds up to be, and are content with what is in their lives rather than obsessing with what isn‘t. They aren’t predisposed to dwell on all their problems, which they possess like everyone else. Their minds are free and clear, not full of anxiety and worry. Dwelling on bad thoughts is like writing a nasty letter to yourself, then getting upset when you open it. In a sense, happy people remain good pen pals to themselves…and they, indeed, become what they think about.

Here's some excellent sites which bring the point home into everyday life:

The Thinking Coach

Early Nightingale- An excellent resource!

click HERE for Excellent video on You Become What You Think About

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at BGSU. Contact him at the Bpath Mail Form at the top of the site.

(Q) TEEN SPENDING ADAPTS TO POOR ECONOMY

2010-08-03T11:02:00.002-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- Our teen, age 16, earns money by babysitting. Trouble is, she spends her money like a drunken sailor on weekend furlough. Designer jeans and tennis shoes are in for her! Any thoughts on how can we teach her to be thriftier? - Parents

Dear Parents- I’ll try, but I’m not the one to ask. America’s 16 million teens used to spend over $93 billion each year, but in today’s economy the “Fly Now-Pay Later” era is officially terminated in many households. I would teach your teen to save more before she ends up flying by the seat of her exorbitantly high-priced Gucci jeans. Buy some used jeans at the discount store, then rip, tear and fade them in the washer. They’ll look right off the shelf from Robert Cavalli’s.

In an age where our government can’t even save social security and Medicare, It may be difficult to teach her how to save. You may want to try to reason with her, but the only thing she may want to save is an hour during daylight savings time. Teens crave the feeling of independence, and her making money and spending it on her own may be a strong drive. I guess there’s nothing wrong with trying to reason with her, but there’s nothing wrong with teens that trying to reason with them about…won’t aggravate.

You’re not alone! Robert Manning, several years ago cited young adults under age 25 as the most rapidly growing group of bankruptcy filers. By the way, Manning authored the book, “Credit Card Nation.” I guess they didn’t learn good money management as teens.

But, hope lurks on the horizon! According to a recent Seventeen magazine poll, teens are shopping smarter: 55% wait for items to go on sale, half make fewer “impulse purchases” and 42% do comparison shopping for best prices. Only 22% said the economy had no affect on their shopping behaviors.

VISIT THE HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Here’s additional sites that discuss teen spending habits:

NAA Business Analysis & Research Dept. (Oct. 2005)

Targeting Teens Brief

Mediapost on teen spending

Note: In the right margin, see Code "Q TEEN SPENDING" FOR DAILY UPDATED ARTICLES & VIDEOS ON TEEN SPENDING.

(P) ADVICE FOR DISCOURAGED SALESPERSONS

2010-07-11T22:10:00.001-04:00

Here's some words from an experienced salesperson, who is now editor of a newspaper in Minnesota. He doesn't want his name revealed. Enjoy! Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S.

"To this excellent psychological direction, your Editor, as a businessman and having been a salesman, must add, from a strictly business standpoint:

If you're feeling snubbed by turndowns of your product, you're in the wrong business.

Whatever product it is that you sell, it's important to recognize that, likely, 90% or more people either won't need or don't want it. Even if you really had a better mouse trap - most people don't have mice - of those that do, many have a cat.

Efficient salesmanship is only 20% presenting your product. 80% of it is ferreting out those people who need and want it. Generally, this ferreting involves a time-consuming pitch of the product. Statistically, whatever the product, and whomever the salesman, it
usually will end in a 'no.'

Augmenting your efficiency in identifying your market will generally heighten performance far more than trying to be more persuasive. Each time you get a 'no' you're one step farther in
weeding out your non-market. That's what leads to success in sales.

Know your market; project your stats realistically, that is, what percentage you can expect. Play those stats and rate your improvement against them - not a hypothetical 100% that not even
Lee Iacocca could have achieved.

Finally, if, to be happy, you have to be able to persuade 100% of the people of the benefit of your product, you're in the wrong business. Try politics instead."

Hope you got something out of the "bare knuckle" advice above. By the way, I enjoyed the 1968 movie "Salesman", kind of a serious comedy. Description: Four relentless door-to-door salesmen deal with constant rejection, homesickness and inevitable burnout as they go across the country selling very expensive bibles to low-income Catholic families. Click HERE to view the trailer.

Click HERE for 25 movies with actors portraying salespersons, good and bad, but perhaps by watching these trailers you may pick up something.

Also, here's some great Websites and videos:
How to be a good salesperson- click HERE
Behaviors that make a good salesperson- click HERE
How to become a great salesperson- click HERE
Eleven (11) ways to become a GREAT salesperson- click HERE

Do you know who Mr. Shmooze is? If you're in sales, it would behoove you to be familiar with him- click HERE

Lastly, as a psychologist, I enjoyed reading Og Mandino's entire series. I actually recommended a salesman read Og Mandino's one book, "The Greatest Salesman In The World". The video below is a riveting true story of an entreprenuer who read Mandino's series. I would recommend for all discouraged salespersons to read all of Og Mandino's scrolls.

(O) LEFT-HANDERS HAVE THEIR SHARE OF GENIUS AND TALENT

2010-07-01T09:20:00.002-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- Our son, age 6, is left-handed. Isn’t it better to be right-handed? Can we change his hand preference?- Parents.

Dear Parents- Looking down at my computer keys, I see how a right-biased world makes it somewhat difficult for “southpaws.” The cursor bank, numerical pad and return key are installed on my keyboard’s right side. Guitars, cameras, firearms, kitchen utensils and tools are mostly designed for right-handed people.

Your son’s world may be a bit easier if the controls on camcorders, start pulleys on lawn mowers, winders on wrist watches, cranks on pencil sharpeners and fishing reels, blade-opening notches on Swiss Army knives, and gear shifts on cars were all positioned on the left side.
But things are looking up for “lefties”. Recently, researchers discovered a gene linked to increased odds off becoming a left-hander and that left-handed men are 15 percent richer than right-handed men who attended college and 26 percent richer if they graduated (John Hopkins, 2006).

It’s amazing that, with only 10 percent of adults being “lefties”, a top-heavy number of pro tennis players are left-handed. Jimmy Connors, John McEnroe, Martina Bavratilova, Marcelo Rios, Rafael Nadal being just a few. In addition, 30 percent of all professional baseball pitchers and nearly half of all first-basemen are southpaws.

Some interesting observations about “Lefties”:

- Some famous Lefty personalities are US President Barack H. Obama, Henry L. Ford, Mark Twain, Jimi Hendrix, Michelangelo, and our very own Rafael “Paeng’’ Nepomucen and Emmanuel “Manny’’ Pacquiao.

- Men are slightly more likely to be left-handed than women.

- When NASA began searching for imaginative, reliable, multi-talented people for the moon, 1 in 4 Apollo astronauts turned out to be left-handed (a figure 250% greater than statistical probability).

- Left-handers reach puberty 4-5 months later than right-handed people.

- Lefties tend to draw figures that face the RIGHT.

- Probably because they use the right side of the brain more, lefties appear to be better in the music and arts scene.

- According to neurologists, lefties adjust more readily to seeing underwater.

- Left-handers seem to excel in sports such as tennis, baseball, swimming and fencing.

- The probabilities of producing a lefty are as follows: 1 in 10 if both parents are right-handed; 2 in 10 if one parent is left-handed; 1 in 4 if both parents are left-handed.

- 4 of the 5 original designers of the Macintosh computer were left-handed.

- Lefties account for a large percentage of those in remedial reading classes.

You’ll accept your son’s left-handedness after reading the book, “Right-Hand, Left-Hand” by Chris McManus. He explains the proportion of left-handers is rising and, historically, they have been above-average achievers.

Apparently, their brains are built such that the range of abilities broadens. Also, the genes determining left-handedness also govern development of the language centers in the brain. These “lefty” traits correspond to the number of scientific, mathematical, sporting, and artistic geniuses- Leonardo da Vinci, Michelangelo, Ludwig van Beethoven, Benjamin Franklin, Isaac Newton, Albert Einstein, Charlie Chaplin, Bobby Fisher…the list of exceptionally-talented lefties is endless.

Your son is in good company! Lastly, here’s some informational Websites:

HELP FOR LEFT-HANDED CHILDREN

LEFT-HANDED CHILDREN.ORG

LEFT-HANDED CHILDREN IN A RIGHT-HANDED WORLD

NOTE: Scroll down the right margin to "(O) LEFT-HANDED CHILDREN" for updated videos and articles on this topic.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University.

(N) MEDICAL INPUT HELPS DIAGNOSE LEARNING DIFFICULTIES

2010-06-15T23:18:00.000-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- my son, age 8, is repeating second grade due to learning problems. The school evaluation team recommended a thorough medical evaluation to rule out possible physical causes. What should I ask the doctor to look for?- Concerned Mother

Dear Concerned Mother- Before making an appointment with your physician, send the complete school evaluation team report to him or her, including the psychological and speech/language pathologist reports, teacher observations, etc. at least several days before the appointment. This will help the physician identify, via proper screening methods, any suspected physical problems which may be interfering with your son’s learning process. (above photo- Dr. Ortiz with a young client at Northeast Valley Health Corporation)

Child can be given a thorough evaluation if you suspect a high fever, lead poisoning, etc., may have had a negative impact on your child's development. I encourage parents to gain knowledge of unseen childhood traumas.

Children with learning problems often squeak past routine physical exams with no explanations for their inability to keep up with the pace and demands of the regular classroom environment. Hopefully, your physician can determine if any hearing or vision defects exist, inspect for hard or soft neurological signs, or judge if a neuro-motor delay for development has occurred. Your self-report and the school’s evaluation team report will supply him with information on the history of pertinent diseases, injuries and traumas. He may recommend additional diagnoses with an EEG (for example) or make a referral to other specialists.

Through the years, I’ve witnessed thorough physical exams uncover inconspicuous causes of learning difficulties in children- a smart, young boy who lagged behind in reading because of seasonally-congested sinuses which hampered his ability to benefit from phonics instruction; a talkative and seemingly bright kindergarten girl who couldn’t learn the alphabet letters was diagnosed with a rare chromosomal abnormality usually allied with mild mental retardation; an adopted boy who was academically slow because of earlier nutritional deficiencies; a child who couldn’t stay alert because of irritating dental problems; etc.

Especially for learning disabled kids, we need to know their physical health is in the best condition possible, a necessity for effective learning to take place.

Robert Morton, M.E., Ed.S, has retired from his positions of school psychologist for Fremont City Schools and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership and Policy Studies at BGSU.

(M) UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS FRUSTRATE PARENTS

2010-06-05T12:23:00.011-04:00

Dear Mr. Morton- I read your article in About Families magazine and wonder if you could help us. Our son is a bright teenager who has grown into a “social butterfly.” His grades have dropped to “D’s”. Why does he not achieve to his potential? - Frustrated

Dear Frustrated- Bright children become “underachievers” for many reasons. I’ve witnessed students take academic “nose dives” because of conflicts outside of school. For example, the anger, anxiety, and guilt following a parental divorce is often accompanied by unfinished homework and poor grades on tests. Even after initiating counseling aimed at restoring their enthusiasm, they may not get back on track for up to a year. Other students obtain secondary gains from underachieving. Some teens will purposefully commit academic suicide in the false belief that they’re calling the shots and are achieving independence: “My parents can restrict my social life, but they can’t make me learn!”

OUR PICKS! Great underachievement resources for parents & teachers

I’d also investigate who your son’s friends are and determine their attitude toward school and learning. Some teens stop doing well in school largely because they desire to fit into a group who dub good students as “geeks”. Parents lose track of how strongly their teens want to be liked and how easily they’re influenced by peer pressure. I would consult with your son’s guidance counselor and determine if his friends share classes with him. I recall one student who was “separated” from his friends when his class schedule was changed, for he had been disrupting the classes with them. Afterwards, he privately told his parents that he felt relief when the change was made and the peer pressure vanished. His grades improved.

Cutting your son off from his friends outside of school may backfire on you; instead, I’d encourage him to get involved in extracurricular activities that usually attract the better students.

Note: Scroll down right margin to code "(M) UNDERACHIEVING STUDENTS" for daily-updated newspaper and journal articles, plus videos, on this topic.