(A-32) FAMILY BLACK SHEEP IS A UNIQUE CHAMPION!

I remember a woman teacher who had an obvious low self-esteem. Other teachers would say, "She has so much capability but she holds herself back." I talked, informally, with her and found out that she had siblings who were very successful. She felt that she couldn’t measure up to them. She even made the comment that she was the “black sheep” of the family. 



Her parents practiced autocratic parenting and didn't tolerate average grades and stressed total excellence in every endeavor the children pursued. "Climb to the top" was their motto and each child was expected to become adults who were very well off financially. Apparently, not well-off emotionally. She, nor her successful siblings, never experienced unconditional love (true love, I call it). Her folks actually looked down on her teaching profession because she didn't make enough money to live in a plush home set in a ritzy neighborhood.

 "This 'factory assembly line' approach to parenting, where individual differences among siblings isn't accepted, has marked many children with emotional scars that they carry around today as adults. They still have their parent's fingerprints all over them."

I assured this capable but under performing teacher that the Natural Order dictated before birth that she wouldn’t be like her brothers or sisters, or like any one else on earth. How we are created ordains this fact, so we should strive to find, and be, ourselves. We didn’t arrive on planet earth by serendipity means.

By metaphysical design, millions of sperm cells, each which would have to be magnified a thousand times for our eyes to behold, struggled to reach an egg that was smaller than the point of a needle. Only one survived, while millions of its challengers weakened and perished in the struggle. One grappling sperm cell, out of millions, made each of us! It, miraculously, bonded with an egg containing a tiny nucleus.

The Natural Order dictates that everyone is born to be a unique champion. I suggested she refrained from defining her worth via comparison with siblings and recommended she seek an impartial, professional counselor who could help her unearth her incomparable uniqueness.


As a school psychologist at the time, I did notice her ability to relate to children (She taught 3rd grade). Teaching is 2/3 art form and 1/3 academic preparation. She had the art form part down pat. I encouraged her, along with the principal, to forget the emotional baggage her parents stuffed into her head and focus on becoming the best teacher she could possibly be. 


Today, she is a professional teacher who is revered by many parents of the children she's presently teaching and by past students who are now adults. She has forgotten about being labeled a "black sheep" years ago by her parents.


The term "black sheep" is so derogatory and I don't know why black sheep symbolize worthlessness. After all, the wool on a black sheep is just as warm and cuddly as that on a white sheep. Maybe shepherds despised them because their fleeces couldn't be dyed like those of white sheep. 


Just for fun, I looked up "black sheep" in the Folk-Lore Record, 1878, where there is a contradictory and long-standing English country tradition that black sheep are omens of good fortune. The Folk-Lore Record, 1878, included this piece:

This woman, this "black sheep", has a naturally-imposed uniqueness from her siblings that intended by design the moment this microscopic struggle began. This sperm, and its egg, contained 24 chromosomes, each wrapped in Jell-O like beads strung together. Each bead housed hundreds of genes.


The bonding fused her parent’s ancestral past. One healthy and victorious sperm bonded with one expectant egg, both conquerors of millions of years of human-kind’s battle for survival. This unbeaten bonding couldn’t possibly have created a “black sheep”.

"We speak figuratively of the one black sheep that is the cause of sorrow in a family; but in its reality it is regarded by the Sussex shepherd as an omen of good luck to his flock."

So there! You're an omen of good luck! From here on, you will be the best you can at whatever you're doing. Do the best you can, with what you've got, at this point in time. Stop trying to prove your parents and siblings are wrong. You don't need financial renumeration for all the heart aches others threw into your life...you need emotional renumeration.


And, my teacher friend did just that! She got that renumeration by reaching out to children and parents who were aching just like she was. She was more than an underpaid teacher (Her school district was broke)- she was a mentor, counselor, and guardian as well. She invested her time putting emotional deposits into other people's emotional bank accounts and has received emotional interest payments back in return.


Enjoy the song by John Anderson: "The Black Sheep of the Family"

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-31) FAMILY JOURNAL: FAMILIES WITH HANDICAPPED KIDS FACE TOUGH TIMES

Nationwide, one in 110 babies is diagnosed with autism- a 60% increase for boys and a 48% increase for girls from a few years ago. Mental retardation is also identified more often among babies- every 5 minutes a child is born with such a cognitive setback. In Ohio, 4,500 babies are born each year with a birth defect, making it the leading cause of infant death and accounting for 19% of infant deaths in the Buckeye state.

I offer the growing number of parents having babies with disabilities a story. It‘s called, "Welcome To Holland" and was written by a mother experiencing what you are. She had a child with "Down's Syndrome". It illustrates the isolation and grief parents of babies with disabilities feel:

Welcome To Holland!

"When you're going to have a baby, it's like planning a fabulous vacation trip to Italy. You buy a bunch of guidebooks and make wonderful plans. The Coliseum, the Michelangelo David, the gondolas in Venice. You learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting!

After months of anticipation, the day arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, 'Welcome to Holland'. 'Holland?', you say, 'I signed up for Italy, all my life I've dreamed of going to taly.'


But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay. The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting place, full of famine and disease. It's just a different place.


So you must go out and buy new guidebooks, learn a whole new language and meet a new group of people you would never have met. It's slower-paced and less flashy than Italy. But, after a while you catch your breath, you look around and notice that Holland has windmills, colorful tulips and even Rembrandts.


But everyone you know is coming and going from Italy. They're bragging about the wonderful time they had there. For the rest of your life you say, 'Yes, that's where I was supposed to go, that's what I had planned.'


The loss of that dream trip to Italy will always hurt. But, if you spend a life mourning that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, lovely things about Holland."


The Family Journal recognizes that today‘s parents with disabled children are distressed from economic and financial difficulties, adding more stress to the unfortunate rerouted air flight to Holland.


Researchers studied 28,141 such families at all income levels and found they were significantly more challenged by food, housing and health issues than families without disabled children. Surprisingly, a significant percentage of those struggling were higher-income households (National Survey of Am. Families). In fact, a significant number of families earning two to three times the federal poverty level (Av. $24,000 for family of four) worried that the food may run out, skipped meals due to lack of money, were unable to pay their rent, or had to move in with others.


Unfortunately, these higher-income, middle-class families raising disabled children may not qualify for assistance, since the qualifying income guidelines were set in the 1960’s.


For all the parents raising children with disabilities who have additional concerns due to the distressed economy…try to remember that Holland has many beautiful things to see.


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• DEVELOPMENTALLY DELAYED CHILDREN NEED POSITIVE PARENTS

Special needs tutors also available

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-30) 4-YEAR COLLEGE DEGREE NOW AFFORDABLE & HIGH-QUALITY

StraighterLine makes obtaining a college education less expensive without interfering with a quality education. Through their online college courses, students can complete general education requirements (courses normally taken Freshman or Sophomore year) for under $1000. This translates into a savings of up to 90% on their first year's tuition. View the video (bottom of article).

StraighterLine's courses are perfect for the following people:
*All First Time College Students!
*High School Students (they can get credit while still in high school). Did you know that students that have college credit prior to enrolling in college are twice as likely to complete a degree? With StraighterLine, you can get college credit prior to starting college
*Recent High School Graduate
*College Freshman
*Career changers or people going back to school
*Adult learners
*Military personal and their families (or anyone who travels a lot)
*International Students (or US students looking to study abroad)
*the list goes on!

The online classes are self-paced and so flexible that students can study when they want, where they want and how they want. There are no due dates or assigned class times and students save thousands of dollars.

StraighterLine is continually adding new college partners and bundles to make it even easier and more cost effective for our students to earn their college degrees. In short, they're innovators in the way America is transforming college and higher education by allowing more students to afford a great education.

Due to StraighterLine, a quality college education is now more affordable in the face of escalating costs in obtaining a four-year college degree.

StraighterLine offers two innovative programs:
(1) The “Freshman Year for $999” program is designed to help college students and their families address rampant rising tuition costs of college education. Students can take up to 10 StraighterLine courses for a single fee of $999 and realize savings of more than 90% versus the first-year tuition at many colleges.

(2) Students can also enroll in a subscription package of online college courses for $99 a month that allows students who can move the material even faster an opportunity for even greater savings.

Both programs includes up to 10 hours of one-on-one instructional support.

Students who successfully complete StraighterLine online college courses receive credit when they enroll with any school in our rapidly expanding network of regionally accredited partner colleges and universities. In addition, the American Council on Education’s College Credit Recommendation Service (ACE CREDIT) has also evaluated and recommended college credit for StraighterLine courses.

(A-29) AMAZING MONTESSORI MATERIALS MAKE LEARNING EXCITING!

HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

The geographical and philosophical roots of America's 5,000+ Montessori schools originated in eastern Italy in 1870, when Maria Montessori was born. She grew up as an only child and proved to be a willful and intelligent young girl who defied society's subjugation of women at the time. At age 12, she insisted on attending a boy's technical math and science school. Not surprisingly, her powerful character empowered her to go against all odds and she graduated from the University of Rome to become the first woman medical doctor. The Family Journal offers parents a Montessori Learning Store that has 14 aisles of Montessori developmental learning materials for babies and preschoolers to older children and teens. The "Pink Towers" toy (See video below) is an example of the developmental learning materials in the store.

The Montessori methods and practices used today emerged from her scientific observations of mentally slow and poverty-stricken children at a care center in the San Lorenzo slums of Rome. She learned much from studying these children and engineered a nurturing environment enhanced with developmentally appropriate, specialized materials.

Here are four guiding principles which are distinctive to the Montessori way and which make Montessori education so child-friendly and unique:

Principle No. 1: Emphasize on the Process of learning, not the Product- "Education should no longer be mostly imparting knowledge, but must take a new path, seeking the release of human potentialities." Children possess an intrinsic love to learn, to become lifelong learners. Focusing on the product of learning like a high-stakes proficiency test or semester exam will stifle a child's spontaneous and natural urge to learn.

Dr Montessori would eschew today's practice of "teaching to the test," where the curriculum becomes a mile wide and inch deep experience. Instead, Montessori education spotlights the process of learning, rewarding a child's day-to-day efforts and improvements, no matter how small. Learning occurs in a supportive atmosphere of problem-solving, critical thinking, experiential learning, and ultimately, self-discovery.

Principle No. 2: Self-directed learning and self-discovery can happen in a "Prepared Environment" where the classroom, materials, and social climate are supportive. Maria Montessori once stated, "These words reveal the child's inner self: 'Help me do it alone'." Children are respected and permitted to work alone or in small groups at their own pace with materials they select from a menu of options.

This freedom of choice is far from permitting children to "do their own thing," since it operates within a set of age-appropriate ground rules based on Dr Montessori beliefs, such as respect for each other and for the learning environment.

VISIT THE MONTESSORI LEARNING STORE!

Principle No. 3: The teacher is a facilitator who inspires development of the "whole child"- physically, socially, emotionally, spiritually, and intellectually. Dr Montessori remarked decades ago, "We must observe the needs of a child...and respond to them with meaningful learning experiences." That's why Montessori teachers are fully trained to anticipate, recognize and respond to "sensitive periods" where children make great intuitive leaps and certain types of learning undergo a sudden surge in eagerness and intensity. The teacher "strikes while the iron is hot," directing the children toward materials that fulfill their developmental needs.

Learning is based on individual developmental characteristics and needs, not on chronological age. The Montessori way respects the child as a unique person with an individual pattern and timing of growth and concedes that each child carries his own internal, developmental alarm clock. Different levels of ability, development and learning styles are expected, accepted, and used to design the curriculum.

Children in multi-age and multi-grade Montessori classrooms move at their own pace. It would be foolish to establish a set age or grade cut-off date for a child to ride a bike. Likewise, Montessori classrooms do not dictate that all children automatically learn how to read simply because they've made 6 orbits around the sun. Some read by age 7, others may need more exposure to Montessori literacy experiences to learn to read by age 8 or 9.

The teachers receive extensive training, personalized for each of four distinct age spans: infant and toddler, 3-6, 6-9, and 9-12. Children journey through these four developmental age periods in an orderly, sequential and predictable manner - but at varying rates. Montessori teachers are sensitized to the fact that kids learn best when the time is ripe- not school time, but their own. They always listen for a child's inner clock to chime.

Principle No. 4: Dr Montessori sensed that ingenious developmental materials play a critical role in guiding children through each "sensitive period" and in sustaining a gratifying learning environment. I'll never forget witnessing a multi-handicapped child mainstreamed into a regular public school kindergarten enhance her visual-motor and self-care skills, thanks to the Montessori Dressing Frames. The child's fleeting attention span transformed into intense, sustained concentration as she experimented with snapping buckles, fastening large buttons, tying shoe laces, closing up zippers, and bow-tying.

Dr Montessori, as physician and educator, learned the kind of things that aroused children's natural curiosity and which they faithfully went back to.

The resources in a Montessori classroom are unique in that they are multi-sensory, sequentially increase in complexity, and are self-correcting. These characteristics smooth the process of learning from the concrete world of touch to understanding abstract ideas. For example, a young child eagerly playing with Montessori Golden Beads, the Hundred Board, Stamp Game, Spindle Box, and solid wooden rods divided into units by color and length, intuitively builds a solid foundation critical to comprehending higher level math concepts. The play is fun, but not random.

The carefully sequenced activities build upon one another and learning advances naturally from the known to the unknown as the child grasps the concepts of number relationships, money, time, weights and measurements, and ultimately algebraic equations.

These four guiding principles, discovered by Maria Montessori over a century ago, realize that the ability for a child to learn is enhanced by the development of activities and stimuli (materials) which fully utilize the present state of his receptive mechanism. Today, the Montessori way continues to capitalize on the physiological and psychological readiness of each child. The ultimate goal is to never lose a child's freshness, curiosity and willingness to explore and experiment.

VISIT THE MONTESSORI LEARNING STORE!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-28) 51 EXCELLENT FREE CHILD-FRIENDLY WEBSITES- YOUR YOUNG CHILD CAN MASTER ACADEMIC SKILLS ONLINE!

We've gotten requests from parents who want some high-quality Websites to teach their younger aged children skills essential for academic development. After rejecting several dozen, we continued our research and came up with 51 excellent ones! Have fun with your child; these are fun and teach neat concepts:

51 Excellent Free Websites To Teach Young Children Academic Skills!

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10 PRESCHOOL ACADEMIC DEVELOPMENT GAMES- OUR PICKS!

VISIT THE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-27) JOB PROMOTION VS BALANCING WORK & LIFE

A growing number of managers and executives who have achieved their occupational and financial goals have turned down promotions in order to spend more time with their families. True, many want to make it to the top, but not everyone wants to get promoted. A recent survey reveals that 71 percent of workers “do not want their manager’s job.” It seems that more workers define themselves in terms of the overall quality of their lives…not just by success and money.

I know a 20-year medical technologist lab worker who turned down a director position offer because he enjoyed his work/life balance and loved his day-to-day job duties so much that he didn‘t want to alter them. It must be a difficult decision on whether to keep pushing up the executive ladder or to downsize one’s life.

Lots of managerial and executive types have climbed the ladder of success only to find out the ladder was leaning against the wrong wall. One budding executive was thinking of turning down a promotion, which would require him and his family to move out of state. He wanted my opinion. I couldn’t tell him which direction to go, but suggested he express his feelings with his family and others who have “downsized” their lives. I did tell him he wasn’t alone in desiring to free himself from becoming a prisoner of the workplace.

It’s a cost vs. gain decision: a job promotion involves longer hours spent at work, more material and occupational gains vs. losing a part of family life and never feeling you belong to something greater than yourself.

Climbing the executive career ladder is the sole desire for most in the beginning. But, as they grow older, as their kids fledge the nest and as their elderly parents lose self-reliance, they begin to view their fast-track lives as a narrow set of goals which lacked something. In short, their professional victories led to the defeat of their personal needs and family lives.

This “downsizing” of career goals began in the late 1980’s. Surveys conducted by Robert Half International, Inc. and by the Roper Organization (1990) found 78 percent of men would choose a career path with flexible full-time hours and more family time, but slower career advancement over one with inflexible hours and fast career advancement. They also found 67 percent of both men and women would accept a 13-percent salary cut in order to have more family or personal time. Also, for the first time in fifteen years, more workers said leisure time, not work time, was “the most important” thing in their lives.

People seem to rate themselves on both career and family victories, a sort of work-life equilibrium. In this balanced sense, they’d rather be rated a first-rate bricklayer’s helper and family man…than a fourth-rate executive.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-26) TEENS WORKING AFTER-SCHOOL- GOOD OR BAD IDEA?

VISIT THE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Many teens have hectic schedules and do not get adequate sleep. One mother was concerned about her daughter, Amy, who participates in schools clubs, holds down a part-time job after school, and doesn't begin studying until 9:30p.m. Bedtime for her is around 11:30 p.m. Then, she arises at 6:30 a.m. the next morning for school, which starts at 7:50 a.m. Amy seems very tired by Friday, but still makes good grades and refuses to quit her part-time job.

Is Amy’s after-school job and resultant fatigue typical or uncommon among teens? In my hometown, while I grocery shop at Krogers, take in a movie at Paramount Cinema, or dine at Arby’s, Taco Bell, or Big Boy restaurants on West State Street, I quickly see the significant numbers of Fremont teens working full- or part-time jobs. Yes, the “Cutlery Captial of the World” reflects the national trend- U.S. teens work longer hours at after-school jobs than their peers in 18 other Western countries.

Amy’s situation is typical. So typical that child-labor experts recommended to Congress that children under 18 should have limited work hours after school. Many parents question whether or not their teens should work on school nights. I offer three issues for parents to consider.

The first concerns adolescent sleep deprivation. Researchers found that lack of adequate sleep in teens is associated with deficits in memory and information processing, along with irritability, decreased creativity, increased potential for drug/alcohol abuse, and diminished ability to handle complex tasks. Adolescents need more sleep, not less, as they progress through the teen years. They need nine hours sleep per night to avoid the consequences of sleep deprivation.

Researchers also revealed that 20 percent of high school students fall asleep in school (Maas, 1995) and that the symptoms of sleep deprivation are worse in earlier starting high schools (Allen, 1991). Not surprising, students who lack sufficient sleep have poorer grades.

As I trudged through the research findings, I wondered how much of teen “illnesses” confronted by school nurses and behavioral problems dealt with by parents, assistant principals, and the juvenile courts could be avoided if teens got adequate sleep.
Unfortunately, a second caveat of after-school work involves injuries. Researchers sampled 91 emergency rooms to find out how many teens ages 15-17 were injured while working in restaurants. They found 108,060 injuries were sustained while on the job- 63% occurring solely in fast-food restaurants, mostly from grease burns (Hendricks & Layne study). Overall, each year roughly 70 teens die from work injuries and 70,000 sustain injuries bad enough to merit hospital emergency room treatment. Most of the deaths and injuries result from driving cars or business vans or using heavy equipment and power tools.

The third issue for parents to consider involves school performance. Parents worry if their teens can juggle school and work demands. Ironically, one study found that students who work 10-20 hours/week after-school have higher grades than those who don’t work at all! Another contradictory study revealed that students working about an hour a day do better than those who don’t work. But, teens who work over 3 hours a day have lower grades than other students.

Regardless of the contradictions, as a rule of thumb, the hours teens work after-school should be limited. Assume the worst case scenario, that your teen’s after-school job may hinder his/her school performance. Then, plan accordingly. Carefully monitor the demands of your teen’s employment and academic performance. For some teens, grades come easy. For others, they don‘t. Regardless, insist that your teen’s main job is school. A verbal or written contract can be agreed upon before the job search and the job schedule will be modified if school grades suffer. If need be, an academic nosedive equals pulling the plug on the after-school job.

See also: SHOULD HIGH SCHOOLS HAVE LATER STARTING TIMES?

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-25) MANY GRANDPARENTS PROVIDE SPECIAL BOND...FROM AFAR!

The 40+ million grandparents in the U.S. play a meaningful part in their grand-children's lives by giving unconditional love, support, and a living view of bygone days. But, can this special bond survive if the grandparents live far away from their grandchildren? Some parents told me how the glue between grandparents and grandchildren is kept strong, despite the long distance between them.

One couple recently moved to my neighborhood with their two young children, Seth and Shanna. Their father audits nuclear power plants and is currently inspecting operations at Davis-Bessie Nuclear Power. Seth and Shanna's grandparents live faraway, but they make every visit count. Both kids spend a week each summer visiting their grandmas and grandpas, who pre-plan activities they know kids their age love, like horseback riding, putt-putt, and touring an amusement park. When I asked Seth to describe his grandparents, he said, "They're coooool!"

The parents I talked with enjoy the quality time grandma/grandpa spend with their kids. It seems since grandparents aren't to busy supporting them, they can enjoy them better. I guess when we can finally afford to have children, we'll be having grandchildren.

Despite the miles separating grandparents from grandkids, creative use of tape recorders, camcorders, computers, and letter-writing can enhance the special bond. Kids love stories and grandparents can record funny family stories, or popular children's short stories onto tape cassettes or audio CD's. They can become "CD pals" as well as pen pals to their grandkids. A growing number of grandparents and grandkids know how to use the Internet to send email. Both can learn to send photos, colorful type, clipart pictures, and more to write fun notes via the internet.

Heck! Why not have weekly video-conferences with a webcam...helloooo facebook and SKYPE! Grandparents and grandkids can use the webcam to join in everyday events, like drawing a picture while grandma watches, then holding it up to the webcam for her to see it. Using a FREE webcam, children have played games with grandparents, like "Twenty Questions" or figured out crossword puzzles. Children’s story books can be read over the webcam as well. Your children can even eat dinner with grandma's company on the webcam, or invite their grandparents to join a birthday party online.

Back to old fashioned letter writing- children love to get mail, as in snail mail. Letters or packages should be sent directly to the grandchild, garnished with colorful stamps, fancy stickers, and all the trimmings. A regular system of letters from grandma/grandpa makes children feel special and also makes visits and telephone calls more rewarding.

Sending homemade videos keeps a vivid memory alive in the grandchild's mind. One family I interviewed received a video from the grandparents, but grandma altered her appearance slightly. Their four-year old daughter exclaimed, "Look! Gram's hair got blond!"

Seven-year old Emily and brother Noah, children of a couple I interviewed, prove grandparents don't have to give expensive gifts to retain the special bond. Grandma gave them a box of her old mementos, including a passe fur collar made from fox pelts, complete with tails, ears, and eye slits. Emily described it to me with a look of fascination, "They're dead...but the bodies are still there!"

Grandchildren like Seth, Shanna, Emily, and Noah will carry the special bond they have with their grandparents into their adulthood and deliver it someday to their own grandchildren. Plant a seed- stay close to your grandkids even if they're far away...they'll always remember your cared enough to try.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal issues? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-24) TEACH ALPHABET THE OLD FASHIONED WAY

VISIT THE HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Dear Mr. Morton- I’m trying to teach my toddler the alphabet. I’m not pressuring him, but I’d like him to learn all the upper and lower case letters before he enters Kindergarten. I use a computer program that does everything for recognizing and matching letters, but he still has problems drawing them. Any tips?- Parents in Bay Village Dear Parents- I’m glad you’re making it a fun project. You don’t want to turn your todler off to school before he starts! First, toss the computer and get a hold of a small chalkboard, three-dimensional plastic or wood letters, a pile of 8½ x 11-inch paper, large pencils and crayons.

Decades ago, a lady name Grace Fernald practiced the theory that young children benefit from a multi-sensory approach to learning. Your computer screen can access worldwide events, but it cannot connect to your child’s tactile and kinesthetic modalities and neural pathways. Here’s how you can. On the large paper, use a magic marker to put dots ¼-inch apart to form a capital “A” at least 8-inches high. Your child can finger-trace the dots while saying “A-A-A”. The visual (seeing), tracing (tactile or touch), and auditory (hearing) modalities are used. But, since the letter “A” dots are drawn 8-inches high, his large shoulder and arm muscles are called into play. This is called kinesthetic input and is better than using small wrist and hand muscles.

Have him “feel” a three-dimensional wooden or plastic letter “A” for more tactile input. For review, have him close his eyes and feel several different capital letters he’s learned and guess which one it is. Saying aloud while tracing large letters through chalk dust with his index and middle fingers on the chalkboard also call in Grace Fernald’s multi-sensory approach: looking (visual)- saying (auditory)- kinesthetic (large muscles)- touching (tactile).

Gradually, remove the structure! Use fewer dots until only three are used to make the capital “A”. Eventually, he should be able to draw the “A” just by hearing its name. Next, start with “B”.


Related Posts: See Great Child Websites for free online computer games to teach alphabet and other academic skills, Kdn. through 12th grades.

Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal issues? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-23) SHED NEGATIVE THOUGHTS FROM YOUR LIFE

Note: scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-23) NEGATIVE THOUGHTS" for free videos and free articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- I am in my late 20’s and think often of negative thoughts, including a demoralizing upbringing by overly-critical parents. How can I think about happy things when negative thoughts keep surfacing? Could counseling help? Any tips? - S.J., Bay Village, Ohio

Dear S.J. - We, on average, have about 50,000 thoughts enter and leave our mind each day. If we weren’t able to naturally dismiss them we would be swamped in confusion, anxiety, and overstimulation. We all possess a natural ability to be selective about the thoughts we dwell on. Why not make them happy ones? If you dwell on thoughts that interfere with your emotional well-being, dismiss them. The truth is that all of us have the power to dump any thoughts that we want to.
The expression “time heals all wounds” is another way of saying people get over painful memories because they washed the painful event from their minds, over time. But, is it merely the passage of time that enables us to deep-six painful musings? If it were, we’d all get over painful thoughts at the same time…but we don’t. I remember a D.O. medical doctor tell me that developing a strong and positive mental attitude has helped his patients more than any wonder drug.

Some dwell on trifling mental aches for a lifetime while others abandon torturous memories quickly. It seems that some have learned better than others that humans become what they think about…or don’t think about. Choosing to dismiss painful thoughts makes them feel healthier and happier. They make a habit out of the process. They recognize that the traumatic incident (s) is dead and gone in the real world, so why let it breathe and resurrect itself in their minds?

If you seek counseling, determine if the counselor will force you to relive your negative upbringing. If so, you won’t be able to go through the above-mentioned process and matters may get worse. It’s an inside-outside process. By changing the inner attitudes of your mind, you can change the outer aspects of your life. Think the 20/80 percent ration: briefly discuss the past hurts (20), then spend hours analyzing what’s right in your life and how you can improve it (80). Your 50,000 daily thoughts will develop into happier ones.
Lastly, visit the Family Journal for free videos and more free article on this topic.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal issues? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-21) SCHOOL VIOLENCE TAKES ON NEW TWIST

Note: Scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-21) SCHOOL VIOLENCE" for free videos and articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- I have heard much conflicting information about the violence in our schools. There are stockpiles of information on the topic online, but the statistics on its occurrence conflict and experts disagree as to the causes and what to do about it. I don’t even know how concerned I should be about the safety of my children. Where can one obtain reliable data online? -- Concerned Parent.

Dear Parent- If people preach that our classrooms have gone from safe havens to potential war zones, don’t believe them. American parents send 50 million children to 80,000 schools each day, and the chance of one becoming a fatality to violent crime in or around a school is roughly one in a million.

Nationally, the number of students killed by violence has not increased, staying at about fifty-five each year over the last decade. The total number of firearm events has decreased steadily since the 1992-93 school year, due to intensified security
precautions. Few of us are pacified, however, because of the new twist in the
nature of this diminishing deadly violence. We are upset by the increase in the number of multiple victim events. During the past three school years, an average of five multiple victim events per year occurred, up from only one per year from 1992-95. No longer does a enraged student single out a specific victim when his anger boils over. These days, the violence is aimed at multiple victims in some broad division of the student body, and includes bystanderscaught in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Prevention of school violence begins at home, and parents and school administrators must communicate. In 1998, fifty-seven percent of elementary and secondary principals reported at least one crime serious enough to summon the police. Be thankful if your principal doesn’t have his/her head stuck in the sand.

These websites offer well-researched information on school violence:

(1) http://www.dumfries.com/caddigan_speaks_out_on_scho ol_vi.htm

(2) http://www.ncpa.org/pi/edu/march98m.html

(3) http://www.ncpa.org/pi/edu/pdedu/pdedu173.html

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as school psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at BGSU. Contact him at the Family Journal's secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-20) CHILDREN "LOCKED INTO" SEEKING UNDUE ATTENTION

Note: Scroll down right margin to CODE "(A-20) ATTENTION-SEEKING" for free articles on this topic.

Dear Mr. Morton- Our nephew is always trying to get attention. When his mother (my sister) is on the phone he tugs at her pants. When we have family get-togethers, he’s always at the center of attention. I know children seek attention, but when is too much, too much?- R.T., Sandusky Co.

Dear R.T.- True, the desire for attention is universal in younger children- practically all children seek attention at one time or another. However, if a child is “locked into” an attention-seeking mode, the parents should investigate what purpose or goal may be propelling the drive for “undue” attention. All behavior is purposeful and your nephew’s actions usually point toward and achieve something for him.

VISIT THE HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Many children who constantly seek undue attention are somewhat discouraged, in that they don’t feel they can contribute to the family in useful ways. One family I counseled demonstrates this widespread phenomenon. Their child sought attention in productive ways before the transgression arose and they discovered that they had overlooked much of his praiseworthy behavior.

These hard-working, dual income, and loving parents concluded that their child purposefully became a nuisance. He intentionally pestered everyone to become the center of attention- his goal was to be noticed, albeit in useless ways. Their son was hell bent on obtaining significance in the family via useless bids for attention.

Paradoxically, the parents were unintentionally reinforcing the very behaviors they wished to terminate by nagging, scolding, grounding, lecturing, reprimanding and occasionally spanking. Unfortunately, to many children, negative attention is better than no attention at all. Excellent video (below) on these "undue" behaviors of attention-seeking:

The whining and pestering behaviors withered away after the energy driving them was uncovered. They recognized he needed an audience, so they ignored the annoying behaviors and “caught him being good”-praising behaviors that respected the rights of others and maintained the family order.

When their child found he could achieve significance through helpful family contributions rather than with useless bids for attention…the misbehavior ceased.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as School Psychologist and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions? Comments? Personal stories, articles or photos you'd like to share? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form. View the national Family Journal column.

(A-19) OUR CHILDREN ARE GROWING UP TOO FAST

Dear Mr. Morton- My daughter was playing with her friend. They’re both age 5. I was startled when her friend began acting out Barbie and Ken dolls kissing, then playing out a fight and divorce between them. What’s happening to childhood and do you think kids are growing up too fast?- Anonymous, Ohio.

Dear Anonymous- I learned more from being a child in the unhurried 50’s than in taking graduate child development courses. So, as a one-time tot myself, I wave my magic wand to reestablish eight standards that made past childhoods happy:
(1) Declare childhood a “Golden Period” where freedom is not permitted to be seized by the tensions of the adult world.
(2) Teach children how to create something from nothing instead of getting expensive playthings that do everything for them. Playing hide-and-seek, statue, or kick-the-can will once again brighten an entire afternoon.
(3) Allow tomboys to emerge once again.

(4) Empower children to feel genuine and not as if they’re on a stage all the time. How? By making many of today’s Baby Boomer parents, the most educated and richest parents in history, less narcissistic. Then, they may stop using their children’s achievements as another manifesto that they can afford the good life.
(5) Make parents appreciate that a small child is more captivated by a tiny, green worm that by an elaborate play set dad erected in the backyard.
(6) Require parents to schedule ample time in their week-at-a-glance calendars for kids to run barefoot, pick dandelions, climb trees, and to catch crayfish or frogs in the local creek.
(7) Finance schools so they’re the most tantalizing, safe, and comforting places for children to set foot in, especially those in lower income areas.
(8) Furnish kids with Good Samaritan heroes/heroines like the Lone Ranger, Jackie Robison, Roy Rogers and Merryl David.
As a former kid myself, I now wave my magic wand to insure childhood flourishes.

VISIT THE HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in the School of Leadership & Policy Studies at Bowling Green State Univeristy. A portion of Ad sale revenue from this site is donated to Big Brothers/Big Sisters of America. Questions? Comment? Concerns about family, parenting, educational or personal concerns? Contact him on the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-18) POSITIVE HOME ATMOSPHERE CAN BOLSTER CHILDREN'S SELF-ESTEEM

Dear Mr. Morton- Our elementary school son has a low self-esteem. Can you recommend any resources that teach parents how to raise their child’s confidence?- Anonymous



(photo compliments of livestrong.com) Dear Anonymous- Self-esteem cannot be taught directly, formally, through self-help books, or by viewing videos on the topic.

One’s sense of self worth emerges incidentally, naturally, and gradually through many positive interactions at home, all of which make kids feel secure and good about themselves. A positive self-esteem arises from an encouraging home atmosphere. Here’s some parenting practices and styles which make kids feel good about themselves:
Unconditional Love. Love your son without strings attached. Confident kids know their parents accept them, while uncertain and fearful children feel they were never quite right in their parents’ eyes.

VISIT THE HUGE HOMEWORK IMPROVEMENT STORE- 24 AISLES!

Offer compliments, not criticism. Be quick in looking for the best in your son and be slow in pinpointing his flaws. Adult functioning can be harmed by never-ending compliments and restored by constructive criticism. But, maturing children blossom from the opposite. Listen and talk to your son often. Children need to know their parents are interested in what they’re thinking, what interests them, and what is troubling them. Treat your son as a special and unique individual. All children carry their own developmental internal clock, one different from all others. Self-assured kids maintain importance in their parents’ minds simply because they exist. Apprehensive children sense that parental glory is gained solely through achievement credentials.

Kids gain confidence and courage knowing that mom and dad are readily available if a problem should arise. Unsure children have to keep everything bottled up inside. Discipline your son fairly and consistently. He needs unwavering guidelines so his life is predictable, not erratic. Imagine the chaos if we were forced to drive on highways absent of median lines, speed limits, traffic lights and stop signs. Children navigate through life confidently when given a predictable code of conduct, but apprehensively under chaotic rules.

Lastly, read the article "Teen low self-esteem may have life-long consequences".

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as School Psychologist for Fremont City Schools and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions about parenting, family, educational, or personal concerns? Contact him at the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-17) "TERRIBLE TWO'S" CAN BE TERRIBLE, IN DEED!

Dear Mr. Morton- My son has reached age two and his body certainly must have been taken over by another person. He’s into everything and taking him to the store is a real chore. Are the terrible two’s for real? Do many two-year-olds say “No!” all the time? Is this just a stage? - Frustrated but Loving Mom.

Dear Mom- Many experts agree that it is a needed stage to go through. Your humor will get you through this transitory stage in child development. I’ve known two-year-olds who don’t say “No!” to their parents- they announce “No Way!” In a sense, it is a needed stage your son must go through.

Here’s why. The force of gravity, which heretofore confined his world to your lap and the carpet, has been conquered. Now, he is driven to explore the world to the utmost. Establishing independence over the physical world and examining the untarnished confines of your brain centers that control composure, sacrifice, temper control and fortitude are his next unexplored frontiers.


Don’t give in to his every whim, or anarchy will result. Unfortunately, a sizable number of parents instantly bow to their “two’s” every impulse. My last “two’s” study took place at the local supermarket where I witnessed a tiny hand snatch a candy bar from the rack, while mom was in the checkout line. As the feast began, mom said, “No! Wait until we get home.” But, her child’s response was “No! I want now!”. Mom acquiesced.

Of course, mom was under public scrutiny. Still delay of gratification wasn’t taught in that brief scrimmage for power. I propose that every retail store in Sandusky and Ottawa counties donate floor space and put up a sign which advertises, “Terrible Two’s Time-Out Zone”. The mental health of beleaguered moms and dads would upgrade instantaneously.
Your son needs you to set fair limits and construct fences, not to give free rein. Give him things a while later and not in a jiffy and be a very loving, devoted, benevolent…dictator.



Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions of School Psychologist and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at BGSU. Questions about parenting, educational, family, or personal concerns? Have photos, personal stories, or article you'd like to share? Contact us at the secure Bpath Mail Form.

(A-16) VOLUNTEER AT YOUR CHILD'S SCHOOL

Dear Mr. Morton- Enjoyed last Thursday’s column about all the wonderful volunteers in our area. I want to volunteer at my child’s school, but I feel my child’s teacher may feel I’m intruding. What should I do?- Mother, Port Clinton, Ohio (Photo compliment of Berkely Public Schools)

Dear Mother- The schools won’t feel you’re meddling. They’re desperately in need of parental assistance. A few short years ago, 29 percent of America’s parents never set foot in their children’s classroom, even for parent-teacher conferences. There are many needs you could fill in your child’s budget-crunched school: working one-on-one with a special needs child; reading stories to an entire class; aiding in the library, cafeteria or on the playground; chaperoning field trips; helping teachers with mounds of paper work; or planning for holiday parties.

Contact the building principal after the kids are dismissed for the day and find out the school’s needs you could fill. When you start helping out in your child’s school- not necessarily in his classroom- prove yourself. Be on time, for time and space are luxury items in the schools. And, gain trust- don’t criticize a teacher’s methods or a school program. Learn the complexities involved in the school operations before offering constructive suggestions privately with the teacher(s) or principal.

The benefits you reap from school volunteer work should end your trepidation about entering the classroom. In the last 28 years, every major study has concluded that parental involvement has more influence on a child’s success in school than the quality of the teachers or the school itself.

Any kind of school involvement you give matters, for your visibility verifies a very important part of your child’s world. It personalizes the roughly 10,237 hours he will spend attending elementary school.

Schools need volunteers! Some give their volunteer staff a team name and matching T-shirts and badges. It gives volunteers a sense of purpose and the increased visibility makes it easier to recruit more.

I must mention the Alachua County, Florida School's Volunteer Program. Last year all of the county schools received the Florida Department of Education’s Golden School Award for outstanding volunteer participation. During 2009-2010, more than 21,000 volunteers provided over 702,000 hours of service to our schools. This represents approximately $14.6 million worth of donated services. For those school district administrators and teachers desiring an excellent resource to emulate, view the Alachua County's School Volunteer Handbook 2010-2011.

Robert Morton, M.Ed., Ed.S. has retired from his positions as School Psychologist and adjunct professor in The School Of Leadership And Policy Studies at Bowling Green State University. Questions about family, parenting, educational, or personal concerns? Have a photo, article, personal story to share? Contact us at the secure Bpath Mail Form. Visit his national Family Journal column.